What a shame – the horrible shooting at the New Town elementary school. We’ve had our share of tragedy here in our area of Colorado. The news stations keep referring the shooter as having a mental disorder. I was just waiting for them to say a “Bipolar Disorder” since we always get a bad wrap when a horrific situation occurs lately in the news. They are guessing the boy was Autistic. I think he was a killer and why try to label with a stigma of mental illness.

Ten more days to Christmas. Groupon has a special on its website. For $59.00 I can purchase a case of wine with free shipping. What a wonderful offering. Living Social also had a similar offer for $100.00 – my friends and family will be very pleased this holiday. We have a Keurig coffee machine, so coffee packages are on my list. We love this machine. A little pricey for the coffee kups (that is what they are called), but no more wasted coffee and the coffee is always hot. I like especially the hot cider.

Physical therapy was painful Thursday. Not only needles in my back, but on my stomach also. Last night I experienced the burning pain until I went to bed. I am getting too old! Therapy with the Enemy was fine. Just talked about health and natural herbal cures. I’m some what leery of the herbal concoctions for the Bipolar disorder. I’ve tried them before and it enhanced my depressive mood. My husband’s relatives and culture have grown up relying of these positions. The Asian culture is quite unique in so many ways. My 16 year-old dog has taken Omega 3 for the past few months and seems to be in less pain from her arthritis. I’ll look into it more and decide if I want to experiment with it. I already informed my husband that I was going to cut my Latuda in half. He was not happy about this newest rebellion act of insanity. I say sanity because it is insane to take chemicals. Let me be me, whoever that is. He seemed not too happy and told me to see my psychiatrist (PDOC) before I do this. I think at the age of 51 I have a right to my brain chemicals.

We went to a restaurant Tuesday. I asked where it was and he said it was where we went to the car rental place (Avis). I had no memory of ever going there what so ever. He said that we rented a SUV twice from the same company during my Saphris episode. I asked why he allowed me to drive. Oh well, my car has no dents and we had a wonderful time where ever we went when we took our trips. My husband drives a Pathfinder with over 160,000 miles on it. I refuse to ride in it if we are going on a long trip. Guys just don’t want to let go of their cars! I mention fuel efficient vehicles, he mentions having a car loan. We are dept free except for the mortgages on two homes. We don’t need much and go to Costco, Bed Bath& Beyond, Home Depot, Lowes and occasionally Target. We eat out maybe every ten days. I don’t trust the chefs to make my food. I don’t trust a lot of things, more as I get older. I’m suspicious of so many things.

I’m drinking coconut rum and pineapple juice. Ran out of Vodka. I so want to get wasted tonight. I usually don’t get inebriated for some reason. Another argument for getting off of Latuda. The Normal’s would get tipsy with at least the amount of liquor I put in my drink. Fuck the Normal’s – I don’t mean that literally, but…

Did I mention that Enemy seemed normal Tuesday? He may have been high – he believes pot is fine. I don’t care about it one way or another. It makes me sleepy or totally focused on my surroundings. I’ve only tried it twice. I never felt I needed to try it after that. It is legalized here. From what my daughter says, a lot of lawyers smoke weed and she works with the courts and is almost a paralegal for a great firm. She started working there for a job while going to college. She received a BA in Environmental Science with a focus in restoration, yet she gets paid a ton of money at this Firm. I guess building windmills doesn’t pay enough to sustain her life style. She’s a beautiful girl. A lot of people say she should be a model. I’m the only blond, she has beautiful Auburn hair. Everyone has dark hair except me, but of course it goes without saying that blonds are dumb. I feel saying insane could be more accurate. My IQ was in the high 130’s when tested in high school. It was the dumbest test. They administered it while I was on the verge of suicide a few days after I was admitted into a psychiatric hospital in 1978. Maybe it’s time for a refill! My ears are getting that ringing noise after I drink a little. I so hope I don’t get sleepy. I want to sleep a lot and do, but still wake up too early in the A.M. for absolutely no reason. I don’t take Ambien because it makes me hungry and also if I’m feeling depressed in some mood, I’ll take perhaps 30mgs. with a bunch of Xanax. Last time I did not wake up for 3 days, although I was performing my house wife duties when my husband went to work in the afternoons. I just remember waking up and taking more pills for three days. I am fine, so what the heck. I think Enemy and my husband had a serious discussion that day – the fourth day. My PDOC said sleep is good for the brain, but not three hours a night. I guess he wouldn’t have been pleased that I was sleeping three days straight. Oh Well.

Football tomorrow at 11:00 A.M. Manning will be throwing the football again. He’s a little old to be out on the field with those young lads in their tight uniforms. People are excited to have him as a quarterback. Tebow drove me crazy! He was always praying on the filed for the other team to win. I hated his playing techniques; often running with the ball instead of throwing it to whom ever he wanted to since he “loved” every one on the field. I’m sure the coach said “you fucking idiot, throw the ball to YOUR team mates!!!” I think he ended up in New York, on the Jets team. I could be wrong. Who ever got him probably just wanted him for the publicity. I think the big hype is over and even the nuns are fed up with him.

This sample of Saphris is just calling me. I keep it on my monitor – the package with 10 tablets. It reminds me of the most fun I ever had in the past 12 years. I think Enemy would have had a lot of fun with me being out of my mind. At least he would have gotten to know parts of me he has never known about. I don’t know if that will ever – he knowing all of me. A little voice in therapy says “don’t fall for this questioning; he’s up to tricking you”. He’d get more out of me if I brought my service dog Chihuahua. I fall out of this adult mood a lot more when I’m with animals.

I must end here. Getting tired and hungry although I don’t like eating. And what’s up with the fucking Christmas music all month? We went from Thriller by Michael Jackson right to Holy Night!! WTF?????

Well time for a refill. I have 1.75 mgs (?) of coconut rum. I’ll keep it closed for tonight as I filled my glass with ½ a cup. But it is soo good!!!


About crystallball7

Creative,some say "eccentric", dark sense of humor,sensitive. Never the same for too long. Running from lost time. Longing to be on the beach, at the ocean, New England. Afraid of life, extremely afraid of life.
This entry was posted in alter's/colors, bipolar disorder, communication/repercussions, dissociative identity disorder, Humor, latuda, mental health, Mental Illness, personality disorder, psychology; M.P.D., D.I.D., psychotherapy, "The Enemy",psychologist, Straight Inc. and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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