Seventeen days until Christmas and I have yet to purchase one item.  Costco has great gift options on their online site which we use often for the season.  Nothing tells your family and friends how much you love them than sending 12 to 48 cones of popcorn.  Costco makes it so easy.  I’ve thrown out so many decorative items in my house, I do not want anything to come back in in the way of gifts I do not need. I know my family and friends are well intentioned. Just give me liquor and I’ll be happy for the year.  I bought coconut vodka and pineapple juice last week and it was so good!  I seldom to drink hard liquor, but the coconut vodka was on a commercial and I just had to try it.  This combination tasted like Pena’ Colada which I still love although I’m no longer a teenager.  I have the bar tenders make me turquoise coladas when I’m in the mood.  It is the prettiest drink, often people will ask what it is

Therapy went better Tuesday.  I didn’t feel the hostage with Enemy aiming a gun at me. He tried to do this mirror image with colored pencils and paper.  I draw something and he draws the same thing.  It was very weird.  I couldn’t think of anything to draw except and box, triangle and something else.  He was fine with that.  Later I just started drawing intertwining blue squares while we talked.  Mush easier to talk when my mind is preoccupied with color on paper.  Enemy asked if my PDOC had mentioned receiving mail from him.  I was surprised that he was still trying to get in touch with my PDOC, but not surprised that my PDOC will not communicate back.  My records are unattainable by anyone.  I think the HIPPA law makes me feel comfortable.  I’m untouchable, and in control of my mental deficiencies. I can’t force trust and think people who go into therapy who trust their Enemies right away, are foolish.  I don’t trust a lot of people.

I read online that you can break Saphris in half adding it to Latuda and Lamictal.  I called my PDOC last Thursday, just asking him to call back.  I didn’t say anything else.  My PDOC is not one to return calls promptly as I am still waiting for a call back.  My husband has his direct phone line, but I want nothing to do with contacting my PDOC directly.  I feel if he does not call back, the content of my thoughts are invalid, although he has no idea why I called in the first place.  Irrational thoughts persist in my mind on a daily basis.

Something really odd happened to me twice a few nights ago.  I went to let my dog out after 9:00 P.M. and while standing on the lawn I “woke-up” in a way.  It was very odd.  I remember taking the 16year-old dog outside and was standing on the lawn waiting for her and suddenly I felt like I had never been there and everything looked so uncomfortably familiar.  My memory has been off track and getting worse as the weeks go by, which I’m aware of, but this was so uncomfortable.  Then it happened again in another room of the house.  I just sort of “wake” up.  Better description, it’s like looking down at yourself, yet you are yourself.

Another observation I’ve noticed is that people can’t hear me talk. They keep asking me to repeat myself.  It’s a great effort to speak loudly and I am uncomfortable speaking all ready.  I no longer talk to my pets very much unless they actually use the lawn to access their bladder functions.  I think Latuda is not the greatest drug of choice in my mind.  Speaking loudly is not an issue; it’s my memory that is embarrassing.

The sciatica nerve issue has been most painful.  The reflexation works well.  While in PT, my therapist does a tapping technique while I listen to a CD called The Best of Biolateral 2.   It’s amazing how I feel when she is done and the CD is still playing.  We tried another procedure called Trigger Point Dry Needling which hurt like hell.  Hopefully in a week or two, I’ll be better than worse as in my case.  I sound like an old person!

I’m supposed to be recording something yet have no idea what it could be.  I just remember Enemy suggesting this.  Maybe I should give my PDOC another call.  We are getting ready to remodel another bathroom next week. It’s often before a stressful holiday.  It’s funny when I start to have a lot of energy we take a vacation or remodel something.  I have little energy and am sleeping a lot or not at all now.  I wake up at 4:00 or so in the morning.  Sometimes I get up out of bed and watch the news or try to go back to sleep.  I question why I wake up at 4:00 A.M.; it’s such an odd time of the morning.  Maybe the heater kicks in and I am sensitive to heat. I am uninterested in reading at the moment, so waking up early is pointless.  I just want to sleep as much as possible lately.  This up and down is unpredictable and after 20 years I am over it.

On a happy note, the Broncos have won two games in one week.  Manning the quarterback is not into huddles as much which makes the games not as exciting.  I prefer the players keep their helmets on – some boys are just unattractive.  I like the players who have their dreadlocks below their helmets.  I still wonder who decides who the person is who throws the ball between his legs. Who ever it is, the quarterbacks sure have an awesome view!



About crystallball7

Creative,some say "eccentric", dark sense of humor,sensitive. Never the same for too long. Running from lost time. Longing to be on the beach, at the ocean, New England. Afraid of life, extremely afraid of life.
This entry was posted in alter's/colors, bipolar disorder, dissociative identity disorder, mental health, Mental Illness, psychology; M.P.D., D.I.D., psychotherapy, "The Enemy",psychologist, Straight Inc. and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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