The weeks escape so quickly lately. I didn’t win the lottery – darn! There are so many charities I would give to. My husband and I give cat food and litter to a cat shelter in our area. I can specify that my donations go to people who are in a position where they cannot take care of their cats due to financial reasons. I feel dog shelters have great public financial support, but independent cat shelters loose on that front. The shelter we give to is:
http://www.catcaresociety.org/directions.html we give food/litter directly to the shelter and walk around and enjoy the cats and their wonderful open concept facility. I like it better than going to a movie and of course therapy!
On the therapy front: nothing spectacular. Enemy said a while back that this process of trust will take time. He continues to ask the same questions from week to week. I could write the questions down and answer them, hand it to him. Only two “moods” are mostly present which only I hear like background music, but normals have “attack” mode thoughts also when talking to people they do not like. I’ve been in the psych. community of professionals since 1977 and am tired of the lack of change in this process. Can professionals ever change it up for people like me? I am not a therapy junkie, this time the Straight Inc., triggered so many unknown hic-ups in my mind that it was either therapy or unpredictable fight for sanity that I feel I surely would not win. I don’t think there is any one in the physc. field who can treat people like me effectively, but I’ll give it a try.
Why this topic? My daughter came over to our house for a “post thanksgiving” brunch on Friday and this past summers episode of Saphris medication induced hypomanic behavior became a topic of discussion. She said the night I ran off and stayed in another town, I had called her a few times in the early morning ( 3-4 a.m.) telling her that I was going to kill myself and then I called back to ask if my husband could take care of our pets. Apparently I called a lot of people I knew as my husband scrolled down my cell phone caller list of that night. Back to straight Inc. My daughter has threatened to admit me into a hospital if this happens again and to report my PDOC whom she despises. My husband adamantly refuses to entertain this idea. He said because of my Straight Inc., experience this would be the most harmful act that could happen to me. He agreed with my PDOC that it would not accomplish anything. My daughter disagreed and then it was a huge discussion about the program. I was invisible at this time as she went off on my husband using “she” referring to me and how Straight Inc. had treated me, etc. She strongly feels if I’m in danger of harming myself, a hospital stay is the only option. I left the room. Yesterday I wondered when I decide to handle things my way at any given time, can I fire Enemy and as a result he have no power to get involved in this matter? When is he out of the picture? He is a proponent of hospitalization. I am not. I have no plans of going crazy as I did this past summer, but the prevailing thoughts never stop. Life is so complicated. I guess because I’m cycling again, creepy thoughts do play its role as they have for years. The “Fake” I know all to well. Act the happy, secure person and cringe when no one is able to see you. Back and forth. It is 50/50 this time and I feel I’m holding up quite well. I’m completely off of Topamax now. Latuda decreases my weight, thus Topamax is not the greatest medication to be on at the same time. Now I take only Latuda, Lamictal and Xanax. I don’t like Latuda but the intrusive thoughts are no longer present – I think.
I have completed my football viewing for the day. Easy victory for the Broncos. I love watching the young lads in their huddles! The game itself has become some-what boring with all the penalties, such as “holding”. I call it just a hug. Contact is another call which I would expect in any contact sport. They have put too much emphasis on the safety of the players and have taken out the excitement of the game. Nobody can basically touch anyone unless they are on the defensive team right after the ball is released/snapped by the guy shoving the ball between his legs. The quarterback is the guy who catches the ball and throws it to whoever is ready to catch it. There are a lot of team members who would like that privilege of catching the football during the game. The best part of the game of course is when they are all waiting for the ball to go into play of course. Those muscular, tight bodies all lined up on in HDTV! The instant replays are wonderful, most often close up and in slow motion – gotta love that! The Miami Dolphins have the tightest and most awesome uniforms by far. My friend came over last week and sat close to the T.V. and said now she understood why I like football. The game is also fun to watch, but the perks are wonderful if you’re someone like me!