This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution. Bill Marr
“Private: confined to or intended only for the persons immediately concerned; confidential – one of many definitions for the word “private”.” Privacy is a derivative of private. This is what I feel is a large part of who I am.
Privacy is something you do not have to earn. It is a part of your life that you are entitled to have. You shouldn’t have to hide behind closed doors to have your privacy safe/saved for only your self being. It’s yours to keep where ever you are or have gone. Yet it seems lately privacy is more of a past privilege than it used to be. You now have to close doors and hide to keep the privacy that was once yours to do as you pleased. Of course this blog is for journaling/mental health and the good of privacy. It does not include criminal activity. We have the HIPPA law in place to keep our medical records secure from prying eyes and institutions, yet if you take the time to read all the fine print, you will see the disclaimers you may be signing away. I do not sign all of my forms at any medical facilities. I am not being paranoid; I just treasure my privacy, especially more than I had when I was fifteen -years-old. Yes, that many years ago. A few months ago I called my medical insurance company with questions about my billing – genius book-keeper my Enemy has – and they pulled up that I had called several times that very day! I always press the option “do not record this conversation”. Amazing how they skirt around that issue. Privacy.
My husband works as a computer engineer. I used to have a Bipolar Community Board when MSN had the group boards. We had a troll who was causing a lot of problems. I asked my husband if he knew anything we could do to get this jerk off of our board. Amazingly, my husband was able to find out where this troll worked and we sent him an email disclosing this and told him to knock it off. He was scared to death and we never heard from him again.
My privacy or there lack of privacy began when I started sending my husband – then boyfriend – letters while he lived in Texas and I lived in Florida in 1977. My husband would notice he did not get some of my letters. Little did I know that my father was intercepting and opening my letters. When I was in the mental hospital, a fellow patient got hold of my file and there they were the missing letters. I learned all about privacy at the young age of 16. Relationships crumble when private correspondence is exploited.
When I was 17 my parents put me into Straight Inc., as opposed to paying for another trip to the hospital. One day I saw my Diary, which I had started when I was around 12, brought into the building in front of about 200 kids. I was dumbfounded. I later was told that my mother had read all of it. My secret thoughts, my “firsts” of everything and also that I did not do drugs. That was my only hope that this humiliation would pay off. It did not and parts of it made it to the front of the group of druggies and I was stood up to hear the rath of what ever they choose out of my most private thoughts at the age of 17.
Fast forward to the mental health arena. I had a good and ethical psychiatrist while I lived in Texas, on the other hand the therapists were an all together another story. I had one therapist who was private in an office with a few therapists which were a part of an insurance group called MCC. This group was a wonder of wonders. I found that they were discussing my case during staff meetings. Again, I was a private client and not at all a part of the MCC insurance clientele. I was furious and told them to stop. They fought me on it and finally I went to see my therapist at another location. Another therapist violated my rights as a client the first month I was a client of hers. I told her that I was getting my hospital records from Florida. She said that she could get them free instead of me paying for this process. I stipulated that if she did this, the records would stay unopened until I received them. She agreed. Of course this did not happen. I received an envelope opened and not even an apology. I never came back. Once that bond of trust/privacy is broken it’s hard to know what else the case worker will do.
Fast forward to Tuesday. I had an appointment with the Enemy. I finally felt that I could trust him a little more and explained how he could work with me a little easier. The tools that my therapist in Texas used successfully for communication. It was difficult of course; I never know how my system will react to how I will reveal their world, little as it may be. All was fine. As I was getting ready to leave, Enemy mentioned that he was getting my next few appointments approved with my insurance and said that they were having issues or problems with my psychiatrist. I told him that I would cash in all of my equity on my house in Texas to take them to court if they got involved with my psychiatrist who Enemy has known for a year is out of network. I was furious; I also told him that they had better not violated my HIPPA rights. I was so angry at the thought of my insurance holding this over my head. As it turned out, Wednesday when I called my insurance, they went all the way to the top of the advocate board and said that no one at anytime had asked about my psychiatrist. This was all of my Enemy’s doing. He has been some what ticked off that my PDOC has not returned his calls and this was his attempt to try to get my insurance involved – that is what so blatantly screams at me. He can’t back out of it. I have been received benefits for the length of time since I’ve been seeing him. My insurance wouldn’t change a thing, have never asked even me who I see or if I’m even seeing a PDOC. Now I see the reason why my PDOC hasn’t returned any calls. He already knew there was a concern when one of his employee was seeing my daughter years ago when I asked about my file being locked in his office. I had told my PDOC that I found it very odd that my daughter was on the same medication that I was on, which is very unusual. My PDOC knows there is a trust issue with me and my records and how fragile I am now. He simply made the decision in my better judgment not to speak to my psychologist (Enemy).
I addressed this matter to Enemy through email, why he said that the insurance had asked about my PDOC. He once again tried to skirt around the issue saying that my PDOC had not called him and thought my PDOC was in their network. Again, my insurance never asked him a thing about my PDOC in regards to my future appointments or even cared who I or if I saw any one. This is from the advocate board that Enemy talks to directly. Enemy made this entire thing up just to try to get my insurance behind him to get my PDOC to return his call. I am to believe the lies about the insurance making this request. I don’t get it. I have been truthful throughout this therapeutic process and took it one step to the trust issue and this is the result. I don’t get it.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves, but deal in our privacy with the last honesty and truth.
Did he expect me to go to my PDOC and ask him to call Enemy, to assure the next 4 sessions would be approved? If so, it sure back fired. I did call the very next morning and requested my file remain private and not to speak to Enemy at all. He just locked all access to that door of communication.
Where do I stand with this entire occurrence? I just don’t know. I am hurt of course. He must apologize if anything will continue in therapy. My husband was upset for me also. He knows how much my privacy means to me. The whole PDOC issue has nothing to do with my treatment which is what is mind bogglingly. I don’t abuse my drugs and DID has nothing to do with being treating for my Bipolar 1 Disorder that I was diagnosed as having since 1977.
Every man should know that his conversations, his correspondence, and his personal life are private. Lyndon B. Johnson
The fall out has been painful. In physical therapy my therapist did the Reflexercise –
www.precisionphysicaltherapy.net with me the day before my appointment with the Enemy. I finally went two days with out the incredible heat that I’ve been experiencing for almost a year. I felt oddly good. By Wednesday, after the realization of what transpired with the insurance/Enemy matter, I was very sick. I laid down and my legs felt like they were on fire. I had not had that before. I took my afternoon Xanax, plus and extra .5 due to the extreme heat and fell asleep. I am once again having problems.
Why did this have to happen to me again? I don’t hide much and certainly not my PDOC information. Enemy has always known my PDOC was out of network. Why try to get information from anyone? I don’t get it. I wish I didn’t know any of this, but I always find out. I always ask that my friends be truthful because I have the enact sense of finding lies. It is uncomfortable, but it always happens. White lies are fine, it spares hurtful observations. I don’t know if it has to do with being clairvoyant, but it is a hindrance.
What will I do now? I want to work this DID/PTSD and my immaturity out for my own sanity. I keep questioning what would my successful friends do with this information. How would they handle it? They understand the hurt I’m experiencing. I feel stepped on – violated. I do have the capability of obsessing over it and going crazy with madness, but I have kept that at a low priority in my mind. I just wish it had not happened. There is no reason since he had all of the information and phone number and has tried to speak to my PDOC several times. Not all of his crazies have PDOC’s.
Privacy. It can kill a relationship with just a snap of a finger.