The weather has turned chilly; we’ve had snow for two days. The cats and dogs are not happy. Therapy went as expected – not much accomplished. I wanted to know more about Straight Inc., basically why I was in it and what I did to warrant the hell I went through. I have the answers but I hold Enemy’s profession responsible also in some way. A lot of unanswered questions as always. I have to be careful not to cross the thin line of feeling sorry for myself, but at times I’m like a child who needs to know the answers that will never be answered to my satisfaction. I don’t know why I obsess over such painful memories that result in a dark hole in my life. I’ll forget it and move on.
I would like to know how I am doing in therapy. Am I on track? Am I wasting Enemy’s time as I feel I am? The literature on D.I.D. never addresses this topic. I once in a while read something on the web about current studies about D.I.D. but not pertaining to techniques. I’ll sabotage what I would read. I’m very good at pulling in the left side of my colors and mixing it up in therapy. If I’m alert I’ll try to figure out why he is asking the question he is asking. I hate it when he’s trying to talk to me as if I’m not there. I’d like to read about how the “normals” (I like that word!) think of us. Am I a ticking time bomb? Should I just mellow out and pretend to be like the “normals”? It isn’t me, but the normals have a problem with me at times. Who sets the standards for normalcy? What makes me so different from that of normal humans who have different moods? Just because I have extreme moods at times, does that make it so wrong? Are the norms so privileged to judge me? I think people in the psychology field are anything but normal the way they sit and stare at their what ever we are called. I don’t like these people. I’ll stop here on this topic as I don’t have the time to edit all that I would convey about my thoughts on Enemy and Enemies in the world.
Our home Owners policy is up for renewal this month. I sometimes get into this mood where I like to question why we have to spend so much money for policies we seldom use. One section I brought up to our agent, whom I had on the phone for at least half and hour was about Coverage Level: New Quality-Plus. It goes as follows:
a. Money, prepaid-paid cards $250
b. Rare coins and currency $3000
c. securities & debit cards $3000
d. watercraft $3000
e. trailers $3000
f. theft of jewelry, watches, etc. $3000
g. theft of silverware $3000
h. business property $4000
i. tapes, records, discs $500
j. theft of rugs $5000
K grave markers $3000
O.K., let’s take “a”, I have no way to prove I had more than $250.00 cash in my house should an event happen, second as far as prepaid cards go, who can prove what I have?
B. I told the agent that I have a fireproof and theft proof safe, which I do have.
C., goes along with my safe.
D and E, I do not own nor would I at any time.
F., would also be in the safe if they have any value.
G., really? I let her know that mine is from Costco and cost only $87.00.
H, would be covered under my husbands companies account.
I., again, how stupid can they think we are? Everything is backed up on C.D.
computers hard drives and netflix is available
J., you just got to love it if you have my geriatric dachshund! I educated my agent
about how many carpets I would go through if I claimed “carpets “ under this policy
in a year alone. She mentioned Persian carpets. I told her I will go out and buy
a Persian carpet for my dog if I have to pay for this coverage!
K., Who the hell is going to steal a grave marker? And where and how am I going to
acquire a grave marker for a residential home?
I simply don’t get it. She assured me that I was not paying this part of the policy, that it was standard. What the hell? Standard? The part of the policy I loved the best was: Personal Offense Coverage $ 300,000. Of course I just had to ask what the hell that was about. How would I stop myself from offending someone should they come on my property? I stopped saying “Fuck You” after closing the door after the solicitors came to my door while reading my sign “No Soliciting”. I don’t flip people off as they drive or walk by. I don’t hurl objects from my house. My agent was unclear about how I could “personally offend” on my property. I informed her that we had no gang activity in our neighborhood, thinking this was a plausible reason for why the policy was charging me $8.00. She said she would get back to me with an explanation about how I could offend someone. I am dieing to “offend” someone perhaps a friend and we could split the $300,000! Better yet, a girl scout comes to my door every winter selling cookies while her mom and I chat. Perhaps I could explain my insurance policy and get her to split the $300,000 and throw a cookie at her daughter! Bet she would think of college tuition and go for my idea!
Hate to end this on a sad note. Jessica’s killer was found Wednesday late afternoon. His mother turned him in. He lived a block and a half from Jessica’s home and he is only 17 years-old. Austin Reed Siggs is his name. My husband and I went to Jessica’s shrine on our way home from therapy Tuesday. It was very large with a huge cross erected where her body was found. There were laminated letters hanging from the wire fence and stuffed animals and purple ribbons through the maze of trinkets left by everyone who has been there. I didn’t expect to cry, but it was overwhelming and is now as I type. Someone had painted purple lines where lanes of the road were painted yellow. They believe this devil 17 year-old may have done more acts of violence. We know he tried to abduct a jogger during Memorial weekend
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