There is a ten-year old girl missing in our community. She’s been missing since Friday morning. We have driven past two search teams which makes it seem so real which makes me realize how impersonal T.V. really is. It’s all over the news on every news station, yet it doesn’t seem real until you happen upon one of the search teams while you are just doing your routine daily errands. Life must have stopped for the mother when she realized her daughter wasn’t coming home from school, or now the fifth day. You can’t wrap your mind around such a parent’s greatest nightmare.
While I was on my way to my appointment to the enemy this morning, we drove by one of the search teams. I couldn’t help but wonder why I was even seeing a person in the mental health profession when there are people out there with more tragic problems than I. I look at the homeless every time we go into Denver and can’t help but wonder if they had the means to a decent health care system, would one out of three be living a productive life? Yet we always lock the car doors and look away like road carcass on the highway. Again I question if I deserve the attention of a psychologist. My life is relatively uncomplicated in regards to my external environment. My internal life is another story, one I haven’t explored in a while.
I’m going to my physician tomorrow to hopefully find the reason for the extreme heat in my back and right leg. I feel like I should print out the article on “fake illnesses for D.I.D.” and or somatization disorder and hand it to my doctor. I keep referring to it as fake, but it is now interfering in my life. Nine months is enough I feel.
I didn’t take anything this morning before my appointment. I stayed with the conversation until about ten minutes before the end of the appointment. I couldn’t focus on enemy and couldn’t really understand what he was saying. Really odd. I recognized the psy. buzz words, but they made no sense. Today was cloudy, maybe he needed a brighter light on – who knows. I don’t think he is excited about me getting on more medication or not working with my PDOC. I can understand. But that’s me, today. My PDOC and my meds. are the only safety nets I have left. There are no other alternatives in this state if I am in need of help, protection in my skewed world. When I was in therapy last time, I had several resources to fall back on. I miss my Saphris and excitement it brought me. My PDOC did mention that again.
We hired a pet/house sitter last week. Dora was a delightful, pretty, caring older woman. Unfortunately she did not speak or understand English very well over the phone. She had not paid her cell phone account, so she had to use our private house phone while she lived in our house the six days we were on holiday. We gave her simple instructions about how to care for a sixteen-year old dachshund and a normal Chihuahua and cats. Pretty simple when it is all spelled out for you. The dachshund is the higher maintenance pet and we gave strict instructions about how to handle her. I also left a container of peanuts for the squirrels which she was more than happy to put in their outdoor jar. No birds were to go to the jar. I keep my cats out there to guard the pots. While we were away, my husband would call and we would get the same response “all is fine, all is well”. We started getting concerned by the third day, but trusted “all was fine, all was well”. I was already ticked off at the manager at our beachside hotel for keeping the butter for the bagels, under the desk! I had to ask for it every morning – what strange, idiotic behavior!! But all was well and fine. While in Seattle, the third or fourth day into our trip we got a message from my sister that she had called the house and thought she had dialed the wrong number. She was told “all was fine, all was well”. She asked if we had a foreign women living in our home. My friend is from Bulgaria and I understand her, but Rumania throws me for a loop. Again, Dora is delightful, caring and my pets are alive and well. We arrived home on the sixth day to a splendid array of spots on the carpets, which shouldn’t have been there. I had shown her all the products I have for that, if it were to happen. It only happens once a week, if that. My dog has a crib if Dora is incapable of keeping an eye on her for two hours. The Chihuahua was not walked, all were fed 3x the amount of chicken soup they normally would have had under our care. She told me how beautiful the blue birds were. I will talk to my cats again about their bad behavior. I looked for our mail and found it crammed in the mailbox. I had just closed one account, opened a new account and a CD just matured, all correspondence sitting in the mail box. Then to make matters worse, I talked to my friend yesterday and she told me that she had called me at my home number and Dora acknowledged that she was “me” and said everything was fine and well. My friend asked if it was really me two more times and then told her she didn’t think it was me and told Dora she would call back. We don’t know how many calls Dora intercepted, but they all know “everything is fine and well” at our house while we were gone. I can only thank myself for being diligent about locking our office door every time we leave the house for extended periods of time. Dora may have given complete strangers our account numbers! She really is a nice person. It took my husband and I over and hour in downtown traffic to pick her up from her dwelling, in a moderate icky part of town. I’m sure three hundred dollars is worth the effort to care for the pets, but darn if I can handle the days after the holiday of cleaning up after the one dog and training the cats that it is not O.K. to let the Blue Jays eat peanuts from the squirrel feeder or to walk on the counter tops. Oh – add to that another couple of hundred dollars for the professional carpet guy to come out here in another month to clean the entire house instead of the customary three rooms – Scott will even ask me what happened. I’ll just tell him “all is fine, all is well”!!!!