Another Week Goes By

Am I being paranoid? I gave Enemy2 my PDOC’s name and number to stop asking me who he is, trusting (really??) he would leave my PDOC and me alone. Before I did this my PDOC told me what he would say if I gave him permission to speak to Enemy2. Very plain terms “mood disorder, bipolar disorder, PTSD and dissociate something.” He reminded me that he would not say a word to him if I did not give him permission. What does Enemy2 do? He tries to establish communication. I’m trying to establish trust with Enemy 2 and then he pulls this stunt. Back to square one. Why does Enemy2 want to complicate things after this difficult year? My PDOC is out of network and we pay a small fortune to keep our privacy out of the hands of all of our doctors. Enemy2 has no colleagues or acquaintances where my PDOC practices. I take great lengths to make it that way. I question if psychologists are all sneaky. I know they are when they are prowling through my unspoken thoughts!

I’m doing well. I’m getting off of the Seroquel. Cycling of course, but then have some perfectly normal days. Heat episodes more often, Xanax are just a mild relief. It is not the “female” thing. PDOC said I have a very unique system, etc. Don’t us all. I weighed almost 104 pounds then now 102 pounds. More bruises. Frustrating as I have some cute out-fits I had wanted to wear this summer! Blood test tomorrow to check Deplin level. Deplin is supposed to help with the depressant medications since I’m resistant. My memory is spotty and the Deplin was to help, which I feel it is not, so the test will show the levels that are in my blood. I’m starting to sound like a senior citizen at a coffee social.

Enemy talked more about the colors after I painfully explained that they were not me, just colors. It is true. I don’t play games. If he wants to talk about trauma or dissociation, he has all the free rein he wants, but don’t equate colors with the same subject.

I’m an easy person to get along with. Undemanding, non-resistant to suggestions when I agree to the ones that make sense, pretend to be fully engaged when I’m totally engaged to the traffic outside of the office window, agree with something he says when I’m thinking he’s totally “out-to-lunch”, most of all I have not mentioned how drab his office is – coodles for me!


My husband and I checked into the Marriott hotel on Treasure Island in Florida last week. Beautiful hotel and of course on the beach – I would have nothing but a hotel on the beach. While checking in, the unfortunate front desk host asks “how is your day going” and I answer “Not great, my dad just died and hour/hour ½ ago.” To which he just stares dumb founded. I say “Bet you never heard that response before.” Poor guy. I think I remember him saying “I hope the rest of your stay is better” while handing us our security cards. I was on so much Xanax I was fine either way.


About crystallball7

Creative,some say "eccentric", dark sense of humor,sensitive. Never the same for too long. Running from lost time. Longing to be on the beach, at the ocean, New England. Afraid of life, extremely afraid of life.
This entry was posted in bipolar disorder, D.I.D., Death, dissociative identity disorder, Humor, mental health, Mental Illness, MPD, multiple personality disorder, ocean, personality disorder, psychology, psychotherapy, "The Enemy",psychologist, Seroquel, Straight Inc. and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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