Vacation again, just four days in Texas this time. It was fun with family that I enjoy being with. We laugh a lot and fit like a glove although we seldom see each other. Remarkable how different our relationship is compared to my family in Florida. My mother-in-law and father-in-laws house is stuck in the 70’s and we don’t want it to change. This came up in a conversation of many relatives of ours excluding the mom and dad in-law. Funny how we are. The carpet and floor was updated recently, but that was it. We all capture our memories in that old middle class house in a non-prestigious neighborhood. My husband, I and dogs stayed in their large travel trailer in their driveway which suited us just fine. Bathroom facilities in the house. Just a middle class neighborhood without an HOA but relatively nice and well maintained.
My mother would be crazy insane if she lived there. But I am so content. No million dollar properties but a lot of love and unconditional hugs and care when you need it. My mother is a cold fish. I am really lucky to have been accepted into my family in Texas for the past 36 years although the first few years were a bit dicey me being American and half being Taiwanese. Soon enough we were not the only American/Taiwan couple married into the family and all was well.
My sister did not call me to inform me that my father was put into hospice the day we left to drive to Texas. I don’t know if I really care at this point. I like him but I’m over the situation in Florida. I’m over the alcoholism, the denial, false image, chaotic behavior from my brother and a list too long to include here. Mentally it became too dangerous to my family here in Colorado to stay involved with their undoing. My husband said enough is enough. He fears I may not be home when he comes home one night after work. I sleep walk now without taking Ambien which is notorious for sleep walking side effects. It could be the Taluda. Who knows, but I don’t know if I could drive my car or what else I could do at this point. Main objective at this point is to keep my stress level down. I’m pretty much depressed with a high once in a while breaking out. I want to sleep as much as possible. I get bored easily, can’t complete a sentence often, think because I’m too bored with the thought, can’t read but a few pages of a book before putting it down, etc. We are supposed to be looking for an area in which to purchase a house, but I could care less. Supposed to look for bar stools, etc., but could care less.
Therapy was so-so. Actually don’t remember much. I gave him a diagram of how colors sit in a line going from right to left with a straight divide and ways the colors communicate. Very odd. Example : There is white, yellow, blue and red on the right then brown, green and black on the other side. Red communicates for green. White does not communicate, but yellow protects white and comforts white. Green talks for black to red. Have no idea what brown does. Blue is afraid of abandonment, is very cool to the touch, but very likeable and worry free. All so weird. I say it’s just colors not alters and mental crap. It’s for what ever reason and has been around for years. The rest of therapy I assume was status quo as I don’t remember anything standing out. My husband thought I was drugged up. I took .5 Xanax because I was shaking like crazy before I started to get dressed. The night before I took and additional; 2 mgs. I guess I don’t like going to therapy. 45 minutes doesn’t accomplish much.
I already took a nap after 1:00 and am ready to take another one after I feed the dogs and cats before bed time. I am so over all of this. I just ate some cantaloupe so that should be enough for dinner. Why do I keep waking up? I’m so tired. At least with Saphris I had a life. Why do they not want me to have a life??? Therapy is a joke.