I don’t really know…

Why can’t red wines be chilled?? I like chilled wine, but reds are not to be chilled. Maybe I should screw the rules and chill away. I have been to so many wineries you think I would know all the wine terms, but now I am clueless. I do know you start with dark and finish with white and then desert/port. Riesling is my favorite which is very sweet. What does it matter. I should be doing laundry, preparing for yet another trip to Texas this Monday early A.M. The PDOC told my husband to keep me as stress free as possible which means visitors for 17 days, pack up the house 4 days later and drive to Texas in the hot ass sun and visit family and friends for a week. This will be perhaps the end of the 3rd month of trips we have taken and I have held on by the tip of my sanity. Thank god for Latuda I guess. Anti-crazy med. for schizophrenia which I don’t have but was used as a “quick last ditch effort” in my humble opinion. The drug has stopped all intrusive thoughts which is nice, yet renders therapy a complete bust in my opinion. I’m moody but not much to go on as far as therapy goes. Yesterday I found it uninteresting and repetitive. I remember Enemy asking/commenting on the same subject as last year. I don’t even know if he can even get that I’m cycling from depressed/angry/up and just uncaring. It’s not his job to be concerned about my moods except for the D.I.D., so I don’t discuss the “feelings” I experience during my day/days. It’s like going to a car auto mechanic and discussing the leaking roof on your house.

I’m bummed out that the house we were going to buy is no longer an option. I caught a news story about fracking in the area we were looking at and it was in the community where the subdivision was being built. I have mineral rights where they are fracking in Texas which is fine because we don’t live there, but I will never live where they are actually fracking near my residence. I won’t even live near power lines and I’m already mentally deranged. I’m such a bitch at times.

My visitors were wonderful. Wonder what the alcohol ratio is that I’m drinking? Any way, my sister and her kids were very sweet and respectful of my privacy. I really don’t want to go to Estes Park for a while. I really don’t want to sit in the back seat of the SUV with 2 other humans for a while when I’m claustrophobic. But we had nice weather and my sister is so funny! One complaint is she and a lot of people text way too much when they are with other people. I just want to say “Put the damn phone down or get out of my space”. It’s impolite. I turn the T.V. off when company comes over and ignore the phone unless it is a simple call such as a repair ass hole man setting an appointment they invariably won’t show up for. I just want to say “Fuck you buddy” and smile as I hang up. But sometimes they do show up around the day and time they say they will. Hum, good wine after all.

I am so afraid of driving and can’t believe we are going back to Texas again. We could fly, but we have to pick something up. I don’t want to go. I need a week or two by myself. Just sleep and when I wake up, take a bunch of what ever and go back to sleep until I wake up and repeat it again. I’ve done this before – not consciously, but it is not a bad idea now. The psych. community are real idiots for writing 3 month scripts. for nut drugs I feel. We are supposed to be responsible? I don’t think so. Latuda? Sure, I’m an unstable nut and please give me 90 pills to make me sane. Really??? And if my intrusive thoughts don’t like being drugged up and decides to exit? Oh well. Been there done that. I have some reason to be here and lord only knows when I will achieve the purpose.

Time to finish a book and watch two previously TIVO’d programs.


About crystallball7

Creative,some say "eccentric", dark sense of humor,sensitive. Never the same for too long. Running from lost time. Longing to be on the beach, at the ocean, New England. Afraid of life, extremely afraid of life.
This entry was posted in bipolar disorder, D.I.D., Death, dissociative identity disorder, mental health, Mental Illness, MPD, multiple personality disorder, personality disorder, psychology, psychotherapy, "The Enemy",psychologist, Straight Inc. and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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