A speck. That is what I feel we all are in this world. We will be here for what ever period of time allowed and “gone” replaced with another speck to fill the void. Some specks will be remembered in census reports or in family trees. Some will be in photo albums, discs, what ever new technology is out at the time the speck meets their demise. Some spent specks may not be found for years in forgotten graves hastily buried by an untimely death. Too many observations to list about specks and their life on this planet and their purpose here. I think about that when I fill my prescriptions and pop them in my mouth morning and night. I’m just a speck on this earth maintaining a life in this body until I am no longer a speck. The only difference is I am maintaining my “speck” drugged up for the professional specks ability to make me become like the specks society deems fit and acceptable.

I don’t want to take antidepressants and antipsychotics. I don’t want to take Xanax or the latest food drug. I simply want to be a speck and be left alone. I truly just want to be left alone. I want to watch the ocean currents come to shore and roll back to sea, watch the snow flakes fall down to the ground and grow silently higher and higher, hear the roar of lightning and the rain hit the panes of glass, feel the sun on my face, close my eyes and hear a dog bark late into the night with the drapes softly blowing over the windowsill over my bed. That’s not living life, it’s experiencing life with no words which I simply am so tired of hearing.

Let me watch. Let me be left alone and give me my body and mind back. Let me decide to be who or what my speck is now. Thank you for the help mental health professionals, but I don’t want to live in your nice little square cube with all the specks in the world you have researched to death and deemed “normal and balanced”. I want in my self-contained circle where I can bounce, float and be protected from you.

Thank you, but leave me alone society. I want to be me – Just a speck – an unnoticed speck.






About crystallball7

Creative,some say "eccentric", dark sense of humor,sensitive. Never the same for too long. Running from lost time. Longing to be on the beach, at the ocean, New England. Afraid of life, extremely afraid of life.
This entry was posted in bipolar disorder, D.I.D., Death, dissociative identity disorder, mental health, Mental Illness, MPD, multiple personality disorder, personality disorder, psychology, Straight Inc. and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s