Gee, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. The lack of a psychotropic drug in my mind created major problems which resulted in now being on more crap than before I got off of Seroquel. I’m already plotting some way of getting off of the new and latest garbage they have me on. My husband is very involved and takes me to the PDOC every two weeks. Really sucks to say the least. Apparently I am intolerant to antidepressants? That and the newest and greatest crazy drugs are not working as well as predicted. One I simply loved, yet I was totally out of reality everyone who I spoke to and left messages via phone or email, said. I know that I left my husband one day and almost made it to WY. I am proud of myself actually. I found the Hilton in a college town and they had all of my info. which made it easy to check in with only cash and no luggage. Saphris is the name of that lovely medication. I call it my “happy” pill. I still have a sample left – no one knows! Now I am on the third latest and greatest medication for the intrusive thoughts I continued to have during the past year. I feel these medications control who I really am, but the intrusive dialog is very tiring after a year. I have no idea what will be a general consensus in my mind. I’ve been on this new one for 3 1/2 weeks and feel like I’m breaking loose, but not quite yet. I know that makes no sense, but I’m not a follower.
Life has changed for our family. My husband’s sister was killed by an intoxicated driver a few weeks ago. We are at a loss for words other than we hope the driver gets a lengthy term in prison. My sister-in-law was only 58 and survived by 4 children and a husband who is still in recovery.
My husband and I left our state a day and a half after we heard the news to join our family. On the way there, we stayed at a hotel. A very odd thing happened to me and we jokingly said that it was his deceased sister. At breakfast I began having vision problems, eyes heavy than a little weird. I felt funny, but that was it. We finished our breakfast and I stood up with my coffee and almost fell over another table. Really weird. I had no feeling of my right side and could barely walk without holding tightly to my husband’s arm. I heard in a fog a woman say that I almost fell. I clung to the wall as we made it back to our room and our departure time was delayed for an hour. I was finally able to walk slowly to the car and we were on our way. We had no idea what this was all about, thinking it could have been the second new medication. All was fine until a week later when we had just left the city and my leg started tingling. Then my vision went double to sometimes triple vision, yet very clear. While this was happening, my entire right side of my body was limp. No feeling what so ever. I had to lift my right arm with my left hand. It was as if my right side did not belong to me. This went on for an hour and a half. I was frightened, but there was nothing we could do, being on the highway going home on a Sunday.
We went to my scheduled appointment to my PDOC and discussed this. He ruled out medication and said due to my history, it sounded like “Flight or Fight” syndrome? Crazy! We forgot to mention that the radio in the car turned on 5 minutes before all of this happened. This is relevent only because this oddity of electronics turning on has happened before.
It is believed that the death, the timing of when my parents put me into Straight and a few other uncontrollable events in my life all came together and this is how my mind/body reacted. Apparently I have no control over this. It’s the craziest thing. We are glad I wasn’t driving. But now the bigger question : will it happen again? If we don’t know what leads up to this and what the breaking point is, then what do we do in the future?
Now the Enemy is back in the picture. Apparently I had emailed and called(?) him during one of my episodes. After this Flight or Fight thing happened, we decided we may benefit from a session with Enemy. He may shed some light on this event. Terribly odd to say the least.
In the interim we are pushing the envelope a bit and are in the process of having our kitchen remodeled. It has been some what uncomfortable not knowing if I will be able to keep in the right frame of mind, but my anxiety has been managed with medication. We realized too late that when my parents put me into Straight, it was the summer, and they too had their kitchen remodeled. There was no death in the family that I was aware of, but they were never forthcoming as far as family matters back then in 1978-79.
Well, that is the latest about my nuttiness life experiences. I have had a lot of fun also which I will hopefully follow up on when I feel like writing. It does feel good now.