End Of Session

The extended sessions have not helped it has been concluded.  I am absolutely making no progress.  This is probably a positive out come after a year of psychotherapy – isn’t that the goal?  The communication just will not happen as we discussed the lack of progress.  I again, as I have often pointed out that I did not want to waste Enemy’s time, which is all I have done.  It is the truth.  In a round about way he did agree, saying perhaps it is the office, his approach, not being safe, etc.  I know that isn’t the problem.  It simply is me.  I can’t knock down the barrier that is blocking the communication which leaves me to rationalize I am not meant to be in any type of psychotherapy.  Let things continue the way they are. 

I’m not a therapy junkie and I certainly will not seek another mental health professional.  It simply is not in the cards for me.  My psychiatrist laughed when I told him I was once again trying this.  He knows me all to well.  I am the one person that is impossible to get through.  I ordered more Ambien and “Aspirin” and will do just fine.  I am supposed to go back and work more on this stuff, however this afternoon I thought about it and feel it will ultimately result in the same place again in the future.

I am huge on wasting and imposing on people’s time, I seldom call any of my friends or even email.  I just can’t sit and watch a clock while people can be productive and lead fulfilling lives.  I’m not sorry that I could not achieve what I had hoped for.  It simply was not something that could ever happen.  I believe the telling sign that Tuesday was the last appointment was as I left, the next client was sitting in the lobby of the building – over 15 minutes early.  This is totally fine.  I am the one with the problem.  I specifically chose a psychologist who was not in a building with like doctors.  I cannot run into other clients without totally freaking out, especially in May.  This is all my issue and Enemy cannot dictate how early his client can come into the lobby.  I don’t get it when there is a friggin book store 2 minutes away and a bunch of little shops and café’s, but it is not my concern.

Now, I have to let my husband know of my decision.  He’ll be fine I’m sure.  He doesn’t want to hear anything negative about my past.  He only wants to believe my parents were the “Brady Bunch” type.  As long as I continue with my pharmaceutical melody of happy pills, all will be fine. 

Humor Me:

We have changed our phone number due to too many solicitor phone calls and government campaign robo calls.  Government can call regardless of the 1-800

Do-Not Call list because  in Colorado they know they are God! 

I found a delightful phone message for our old number for the remaining two weeks

And probably for the newest number in Colorado.  We will be using a primary number

with an Alaskan area code to avoid the campaign robo calls. The phone service is free, called “Ooma Telo”.

Phone message: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-yU5Ekv14U&feature=related

 

The original one I recorded was of screams and gunshots from a CSI program, but

It might have offended a few people since we live in the same district of Columbine.

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About crystallball7

Creative,some say "eccentric", dark sense of humor,sensitive. Never the same for too long. Running from lost time. Longing to be on the beach, at the ocean, New England. Afraid of life, extremely afraid of life.
This entry was posted in bipolar disorder, D.I.D., dissociative identity disorder, Humor, mental health, Mental Illness, MPD, multiple personality disorder, personality disorder, psychology, psychotherapy, "The Enemy",psychologist and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to End Of Session

  1. Sam Ruck says:

    if your husband isn’t on board, it would be incredibly difficult for you and the insiders to feel safe enough to open up. It’s unfortunate that therapists don’t understand that one of the most important steps they possibly can take is to stabilize the supporting spouse (if there are issues there) and then help get them to be a part of the healing process for the DID spouse. Until I got my issues dealt with, my girls (host and insiders) didn’t make nearly as good as progress as once I was always safe for them.

    Sam

    • Thank you for the time and thoughts. I read a lot of your blog and you are very thoughtful. My husband is very supportive of the therapy aspect, but focuses on the depressions. The psychologist doesn’t engage in what is happening or there of lack of communication as did my therapist in another state. My husband prefers to live in a positive present world and is very successful. The end of June will be our 30th wedding anniversary, positive life is a good model to live by. As for me, I keep one world as hidden as possible, according to my psychologist, it just isn’t communicating to him after 1 year.

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