I am a private person; I know that is an ambiguous statement. I have another blog I keep private. It has been a comfort for me, however recently it has shown activity. I was under the impression that a “Hidden” blog was just that – hidden. I have now transferred it to another account not at all linked to this one. My privacy weighs heavily on how or if I get past this chapter in my life. I have chosen recently to discontinue talking to those in my immediate circle of friends about anything concerning my ongoing treatment, anything about mental health issues. They all lead very productive successful lives and I no longer want to burden them with my periodic moments of panic as I’m falling down a maze of colored expressionless voices attached to memories of spent lives. I’m the one who got myself into this predicament long ago, and shall it be, I will be the one who will get myself out, one way or another.
Privacy plays a major role in my life. I’ve kept journals since I was eight years old. They were never compromised until my breeder, mother, took them to Straight. A huge part of myself died. My dreams, thoughts, feelings, secrets, firsts of everything’s were in my journals. There was absolutely no reason this woman who had no empathy or love for me at the age of seventeen had any right to disclose my life to a bunch of uneducated misfits. I felt raped and left dead and feel that way when ever I feel my privacy is compromised. But we grow up and find ways to adjust; we have to with the cyber world.
Why do I journal here? No one can find me here as easily. I don’t want to keep a paper journal because of the previous catastrophe. This blog hasn’t any details that I am worried about people stumbling across. I can cross “moods” easily and not visually recognize it.
My previous attempt with D.I.D. therapy, I found my hand written notes, and questions scattered throughout my records at one of the mental health facilities I was a patient at. It never dawned on me that my confidentiality was being compromised and to make matters worse, I was told that this office was discussing my case weekly. I was a private client. After Straight, I had always asked the M.H. facilities how my records were handled. It had never occurred that they would lie to me. I have the last complete stack of records from that facility left – I have burned the duplicate copies and all but one journal fromthat time. I believe it is time to finally dispose of these final records at last. I will wait until my husband is home and I am supervised – I hope that it works out that way!!!
“The real danger is the gradual erosion of individual liberties through automation, integration, and interconnection of many small, separate record-keeping systems, each of which alone may seem innocuous, even benevolent, and wholly justifiable.”
U.S. Privacy Study Commission