How do I even start this blog without sounding totally out of my mind? More than usual of course. Without getting out my one and only D.I.D. reference book that I keep for occasions such as the one I had last night, I believe it is called a “repercussion” for relaying information from one “mood” to Enemy.
Yesterday afternoon I sent him the song and lyrics about the picture, thinking it was such a great idea to share at the moment. I get into these moods at times. He replied back something and the word “complex” which I gravitated to for some reason and got totally pissed off. It just seemed like at psych. buzz word which at the time really got me off and I retorted something and pressed “send”. I seldom challenge him during chat session.
I know a few communicate through writing, I’ve known for a very long time. It’s my decision if I want to share what is communicated. It’s a double edge sword, truly in my world. If I make the wrong decision, I pay one way or another and again, I have no back-up support put into place. Crisis line with our insurance? I might as well call our liquor store and discuss the latest wine distributor from the newest and greatest vineyard!
Last night I took my regular medications and fell asleep relatively at a normal time. I didn’t add any extra Xanax or take any Ambien. I fell asleep by 10:00 P.M. with the dogs in bed and cats where ever they hang out until my husband comes home from work. Around 12:00 A.M. something woke me up and suddenly I heard that now familiar “knock-knock” twice on the wall, this time on the wall in the hall. It still freaks the shit out of me. I leave a light on that shines down the hall and I see my cat arching her back and staring down the hall, which freaks me out even more. I’m just like “Fuck, this isn’t happening again”, but my cat isn’t moving and I’m sure the hell am not moving either. I elect to turn my radio on and time it to go off in 30 minutes and pray I will fall back asleep. The thought cross’s my mind that this is because of the blog going to Enemy, as this has happened before. I fall into a restless sleep until Lady Gaga’s song starts – one I can’t stand, and again I’m up and decide to try Pandora radio which is great, but it keeps me awake and now I’m up to 1:00A.M. which means in 30 minutes my husband will be home, so why the hell should I even bother laying in this hopelessly sleepless fear?
T.V. and Japan, how sad and I thought my problems were eventful. Now I’m even more worried about some of my family in Taiwan with the tsunami wave. What a night.
Repercussions – this happens when I share something with Enemy that someone else apparently does not want me or whoever to share. I can handle the headaches, stomach aches, physical ailments, most of the other things that have been thrown at me, but this psi. stuff really gets to me. I’m not crazy – my husband has heard it also. He said I need to tell Enemy as I pulled up the Bipolar 1 link and pointed out all the key crazy diagnosis words and said “yes, he’ll believe this”. My husband asked if my computer was turned off this morning – his was something and needed to be rebooted. Mine was fine.
This is why Enemy and I are on our fourth email account. I keep closing them when one of my moods divulges too much, which happened later, when I blogged here yesterday. GMX.com is a nice email account product. I hope to keep my account for another few weeks.
You know – all I want is to hear a voice tell me the lottery numbers. Is that asking too much?