I had a very disturbing experience Saturday morning, so disturbing I actually looked it up to verify I wasn’t having a psychotic crisis. It’s happened a few times before, yet not as extreme and I brushed it off. Hearing voices is common with D.I.D. – at least that is what a few websites say. There is a distinct difference between voices/communication with D.I.D. and schizophrenia disorder. I’m educated enough to know the difference. Living with the Bipolar Disorder most of my life, I’ve answered those questions forever.
I was sitting in my dinning room, working on yet another jigsaw puzzle, T.V. off, music off, totally silent when suddenly I heard ( in my mind) loud words coming at me from no where. I felt like I was a target on a shooting rang with an expert marksman shooting point-blank at me. Black back ground, white words with no relevance of any kind to me what so ever. It later came to me that you could visualize the movie/T.V. show Star Trek, the U.S.S. Enterprise accelerating through the black galaxy at warp speed – with the white stars coming at you. The words shooting at me so fast it was truly frightening. The words again, were not of my regular vocabulary, names I had not read or heard from songs, news, conversation or T.V. Some of the voices had European accents. I theorize this because I have been watching foreign films. I don’t think it happened for a long period of time. It creeped me out for the rest of the day and I did not say a word to anyone.
This experience did make me realize how I miss having a support plan put into place. I don’t know if I would have spoken to anyone here, but in Texas I would have. There are parts of me who will never talk to Enemy – that’s just how it works. Once you find someone you can trust who won’t mislead you, yet will be truthful in a way that will be in little doses at a time, is someone you can work with along side with an Enemy. I don’t know if that makes sense, but the specialist who worked with me (by phone) was so reliable and non-confrontational. She was a great balance while working with Enemy #1.
You know, I can only talk to my dogs for so long before they fall asleep……..
Humor: The only thing that helps at times like this and this took a lot of time to search YouTube.