No progress this week. Again Enemy continues to throw Enemy #1’s name around during chat session yet he knows that it bother’s me immensely. First, there is absolutely no reason to bring his name into the process of obtaining information from any of the alters at this point. Second, I have asked him several times not to. I have concluded he is possibly looking for reactions from me again, looking for a slip-up as if again he does not believe me about our relationship (client/therapist) and thinks if he keeps pursuing this subject “someone” will answer differently. Frankly it’s a turn-off and I relied heavily on his experience in this field. I do not want a professional who is after false memories, which I know on this subject is and always will lead down the same road. I cannot continue to deny anything happened of course because that is a red flag in their field. I am to trust him as he I think is to trust me, but it’s not going that way at this point. Driving in negative 2 degrees for perhaps ten minutes of productive therapy out of 45 minutes leaves me questioning this whole process.
When I took one mental health class in the 1980’s, my teacher always said to never look at the clients previous records, it could give you wrong assumptions about the client and you may not think to look at other reasons for the clients behavior. When I looked at my records, they had put down “borderline personality, depression – Bipolar? anxiety” over and over again. Enemy #1 finally diagnosed me D.I.D. I wish Enemy #2 would get off the subject of Enemy #1 asking what he did in therapy, etc. Start new. I’m sorry I can’t help establish the same communication I had previously. Figure out a new way, it took a long time to do it in the early 1990’s. You hire a contractor in one state to do one job, and 15 years later, another contractor in another state is not going to approach the same job with the same tools and do the same job. It’s just not going to happen. The tools have changed; the bones of the house are different. What’s not to understand? I’m also hoping I’ve conveyed that my colors are singular and not blended representing two combined alters. Yellow is yellow and green is green, not yellow and blue combined. It would be like having an Alter named “Norma Jean”. Norma Jean is one person/Alter. It is not two Alters, one named “Norma” and one named “Jean”. Is it that difficult to comprehend? With so much going on in the world now, my problems seem so trite. Perhaps I should just give it a rest for a while.
I went to the OB-GYN today with my husband and had the ultra sound. They found something they are going to watch for a few months. I’m so glad my husband was there to see the screen. We’ve been together for 36 years. Dr. Nipples did not mention exercising. My husband asked more questions about the exams and uterus, etc. I frankly was uninterested. They had a nice chat viewing the diagrams of the uterus wall and fibroids. I guess the engineer type is more intrigued about all of this as there were many questions and pointing at the pictures/diagrams. At one point I thought “Yes dear, this is the muscle that excites the penis, your penis”, but I didn’t think Dr. Nipples would appreciate my humor.
Global warming? So it was 17 below zero last night and then to add insult to injury, they always have to add the wind chill factor of twenty-eight below zero. I don’t get it. What are we to do with this added information??? Am I to tell my old dachshund and Chihuahua that the wind chill factor is way below zero, have fun tinkling out there because your little paws have a greater chance of freezing in the puddle you are about to make?? I’ve thought about this wind chill information for a few years now and have not used it in my daily life. It has not changed my dressing habits. Whether its 20 degrees or wind chill factor of 20 degrees, I’m still likely to wear a coat and gloves should I go outside for a prolonged period of time. My pets just know its cold as hell and will not linger too long outside. The dogs will scope out the new carpet, unless I catch them first.
I’m actually a fan of global warming. I don’t like freezing in air-conditioned stores in the summer. I wear sweaters in the summer if we go to an enclosed establishment. The winter is pleasurable – I can look normal wearing outer-wear, I fit right in.
Frank Sinatra – That’s Life