What the fuck??? I cannot believe the questions the OB-GYN doctor was asking me and then lecturing me on! I think I am going to start lying from now on. Exercising is a top subject when you are only wearing a gown and vulnerable as in not bolting out of the room screaming. No, I do not prefer to exercise at this time. “Do you know how important it is for the mind?” I think, do you really want to discuss MY MIND???? Exercise just ain’t going to cut it buddy!!! He goes on about memory loss at 50 and counting, I just wanted to stand up in the stirrups and strangle the guy! Good Lord!! Granted I haven’t seen a male OBGYN in years, so the next question was new – “have my nipples always been pointed outward?” What the fuck??? In 22 days I’ll be 50 and no one has ever said that and I wouldn’t know what to look for, what the hell??? Has your dick always been pointed left?? I just don’t get it. I have had so many mammograms, what’s with the nipples? I barely have breasts at my age and now am happy that I weigh 102 pounds. Then he starts with some spiel about the statistics of heart disease, breast cancer and muscle something and I just lost it and told him I just really couldn’t care less. He stopped and looked at me like Enemy has a few times. Really – I don’t give a damn how I die. I just wanted him to go away! Do they get it? I’m naked; I want you out of this tiny room now and shut the fuck up! What part of this don’t you get??? So, that was before the second part of the exam!!! Next, has anyone told you that you have fibroid something? Don’t know; look in my frickin chart ass hole!! Can you feel that?? Um…could that be your hand??? Um…at least I hope that’s what it is!!! Where is this dissociation when you need it??? Good to know – I have small ovaries. Then the infamous small talk –“are you from Denver? Why did you leave Florida?” Because they let me escape! I’m all done and he comes back to pick up some ridicules form supposedly the insurance company wants you to fill out – I no longer will fill out invasive questions – and he looks at me again you know that look. I just tell him I am not completing insurance forms. I have to go back in a week for a sonogram, probably looking for brain matter. I think I’ll take my afternoon Xanax early that day.
I think I’m going to email and call all of my friends and ask if they want to be lectured about exercising while naked. The positive outcome, I just had my Ambien prescription refilled!!!
Yeah- just a tad bit pissed off about being lectured in the nude – don’t know why. My husband would be on the couch for weeks and no sex for months if he pulled a stunt like that one!!!!