Chat session was irritating at best. Enemy denied saying he would no longer see me initially before I spoke at the end of the session two weeks ago. I know what he said, and No, I wasn’t in an altered state. My husband suggested this as a possibility. I wasn’t threatened in the least and hadn’t even had any Bailey’s in my coffee prior to the session. I question if he can remember the appointment – the first 10-15 minutes? I can even remember putting on more perfume before I came in on a hunch that it bothered him, which it does. Why does it bother me? When I know something, don’t screw around with me. I’m the first to stand down when I’m not 100% sure. Basically I’m doing fine and am on track, blah, blah, blah. He was a tad bit disturbed that my insurance help line did not contact him after I called. I assume the therapist was watching “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest” and could not be bothered with such mundane tasks. I brought up Art Therapy, knowing how much I really hate the idea, but am desperate to keep the dialogue open. This idea was well received. Enemy will once again try to contact my friend to learn more about what pushes my buttons and what I do not like about him and chat sessions. Writing it to him will not help.
When I tried to email the art therapist later that night, I became extremely angry and literally threw a fit. I’m almost 50 and this was not the greatest example of my up and coming senior years of predictable behavior. My husband decided to write the email. He is so wonderful! He bought an Xbox Kinect, which is so fun! I never played gaming systems because I thought they were so beneath me, but this is so cool! The boxing game? So fun!! It has to be therapeutic because I kept winning with my lower left punch, my poor husband!! Perhaps the unconscious repressed memories??
I have continued to read about the unconscious and how it plays apart in life. It is funny how Freud and Aristotle and Jung feel they “discovered” the conscious. It’s like Newton discovered gravity? I just thought gravity was here for some reason. Swimming as a sport? I just think of it as “not drowning”, but I am not one to think as the normal sec would generally process thought.
Here is what I have processed thus far:
When Freud discovered the unconscious, he felt every conscious experience, memory, was placed into this repressed “conscious void” in our minds, where our repressed memories lie. Aristotle, before Freud’s time, believed the unconscious mind was thought to linger on the moon, immortal and common to all – when you died, it died. There may be more to his beliefs, but not about psychic subjects. Jung claimed the unconscious never ran out of conscious and unconscious material (personal memories, experiences) that it spoke in a symbolic language – visions, dreams, providing information from other sources.
Edgar Cayce believes there are two levels of the unconscious, first level the “subconscious and second”superconscious”. My husband has 100% subconscious function,” it performs many memory tasks, such as calling people by their right name, it is genius, able to notice all sorts of subtle details that never appear in awareness; it has almost perfect memory; and it is able to juggle all these things while performing calculations, organizations, and information search and retrieval”.
Yeah – I guess Cayce never met someone like me. However not to sell myself short, I do fall into several creative categories and I am O.K. not recognizing people in public that I’ve known for years and sometimes have seen on a regular basis. Does it really matter? I just wish they would not stop to have a conversation with me – I just smile and think “please leave me alone.” When we moved from one state to another, I established all of my medical contacts thirty minutes or more from where I lived to further keep my distance from running into people who may know me.
The subconscious is subjective as where the superconscious is objective – impersonal. This gets more complicated. Cayce describes it as the soul’s Silent Witness. He believes it is more of a silent observer, etc. My understanding, it would be more of a protector. I would say it is “white” in my D.I.D. world.
Interesting to say the least. Unfortunately I read each chapter of this book after I’ve taken my med.’s and have added Ambien, so I most likely am not retaining the information fully. I am taking .5 Xanax in the afternoons now which has helped so much. I had forgotten the calming effect it has on one aggressive “mood” which has been a problem lately. I write this as I watch blood wick onto tissue. One tip for D.I.D. therapy, always wear long sleeve shirts from the very first appointment, just in case. I haven’t had that problem yet.
Accidents happen usually a day or two after chat session. I’m not aware when they happen; I just notice a bruise or two on my body a few days later and take it in stride. This past Tuesday night I got out of bed, I remember that, and went to use the bathroom and the next thing I heard was myself falling down. I had just cleared the door. It was so funny. It woke my husband up who was sound asleep. Our bathroom is quite small and I fell in such a way that I narrowly missed everything that would have caused damage to myself. I’ve been on the same medications for over 20 years, so that is not an issue. It has been difficult sitting for the past few days, but I still find this funny and question when the stairs going down to the basement will be next. I’ve pretty much given up on driving, too many trees in our area and I love my car.