Don’t Piss Me Off , I’m running Out Of Places To Hide

As I’m trying to put together the pieces of Friday afternoon through late evening, I notice the full moon outside of my window – go figure.  I decided to take a short nap Friday around 1:30 P.M. I took my Xanax as directed as sleep has been sketchy at best. I do take precautions now when ever I take what used to be a normal, routine nap. I turned off the computer as I normally do when I’m upset about anything, for when I would feel the need to write.  I’ve already established an email account for Enemy and I to correspond making it impossible to communicate when I’m “checked – out” and so far I’ve been unable to phone anyone, including him as I haven’t his number anywhere I can locate  without doing a detailed search throughout the house.  The only instructions about communications between Enemy and I, is if a couple of my friends happen to call when I’m “checked-out” is to call him and if he chooses to call me and my phone is not turned off, we’ll see what occurs.  Everything has been set in place and I am comfortable with this arrangement and Chat Session continues.

Friday apparently I was still very upset, which perhaps set the “check-out” process into motion. I found two drafts in my new email account; thank god I didn’t send them.  I tried today to put something into the draft file and I was unable to – I simply do not know how.  I’m not computer savvy.  I did email Enemy Saturday morning asking if I did call and thank god I did not.  I did send the two drafts as they did not hold any personnel information and mostly was gibberish.  My husband said I did talk to him briefly at work, and I talked to my father in Florida. I did damage control yesterday. I had to ask my father what did I say – that type of thing, and then I said that my doctor was switching my medication, reasoning my drugged up speech at 3:15 P.M.  What else do you say?  It seems like I’m a nice person when I’m out of my mind thus far.  The pets were fed and sound asleep when my husband came home, which is always my concern.

The weirdest part of this event – when I went to check my email, the keys of the keyboard were messed up.  I apparently popped off at least 5 or more keys.  I can’t imagine ever doing such a thing – dismantling a keyboard.  I have found all but two keys.   My husband had just brought home a beautiful new keyboard a couple of days before this incident, or I would have been without a keyboard.  What is this keyboard bit?  How do you take keys off of a computer keyboard and why?  To top it off, I found a post-a-note yesterday that said “BROKEN” underlined in pencil. 

I don’t understand how this event escalated to taking keys off of the computer keyboard.  I worry events in the future may become more troubling the more Enemy continues to push me – if that is what triggered this particular event.  The holiday this year has not been an issue until he continued to push the subject, yet I did not feel threatened in the least, just agitated that he would not stop questioning me on the subject.  

I know one thing; I do not like him at this point.  I can only assume this is par for the course.  I am extremely suspicious, so much so that I don’t trust the office or him what so ever.  He continues to ask the stupidest questions, last week he asked if Tuesday would be a problem coming in because it would be the darkest day of the year (winter solstice).  I come in a 2:30, why would I care?  He feels dates are relevant to my appointments and the weather.  I have no clue about what he is thinking and I know I have never mentioned a thing about darkness being a problem during the daylight hours.  I feel strongly that at times he should be sitting on the couch and I should be the one questioning him!!!

He also said that I have a dark sense of humor and asked when I acquired it.  How long can I remember having this dark sense of humor?  I’m like “What the fuck”???  But of course I don’t verbally speak what is on my mind – he can lock me up!   How in the hell would a person, crazy or sane know when they acquired a sense of humor?  I’ve always been told I have a “dry” sense of humor.  And the inevitable, “Interesting” follows, as it has all of my life.  Everyone who has ever met me for any length of time says “interesting” in a thoughtful way I can’t describe.  It’s an inside joke with our immediate family.  Perhaps I should ask why I’m interesting.  People in the mental health field also ask often “How do you think up these ….”  I just look at them like they are complete morons without any creativity in their bodies or minds.  They are so drab and incomplete in my findings on the human mind.  It could just be me, but I doubt it.

Like I said, there is a full moon outside of my window tonight….


About crystallball7

Creative,some say "eccentric", dark sense of humor,sensitive. Never the same for too long. Running from lost time. Longing to be on the beach, at the ocean, New England. Afraid of life, extremely afraid of life.
This entry was posted in bipolar disorder, D.I.D., dissociative identity disorder, Humor, mental health, Mental Illness, MPD, multiple personality disorder, psychology, psychotherapy, "The Enemy",psychologist and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Don’t Piss Me Off , I’m running Out Of Places To Hide

  1. shame says:

    That’s a lot to handle. I know the feeling of finding things present or absent, and having no clue about them. Frustrating because nine times out of ten, you’ll never know. Wouldn’t it be nice to put a camera in every room? I’ve often thought of that.

    It’s not you, there are morons out there in the professional kingdom.


    • After today I can’t go back. 45 minutes is too short of time when you think of how many minutes there are in a week. I’m more of a visual person when it comes to therapy and I think he likes email which most of “me” does not. I have so much anger no one who knows me in my personnel life knows, that has made me so tired. I give up. He gave up as well. Win-win.

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