When to Sleep

Chat session went as predicted.  Enemy seemed a little disturbed about the bunny project, so I sent him a link to Meanies.com.  Some where in the conversation he learned my friend and I termed his stuffed animals “evil” and he took it literally. I’m not at all religious, but evil may mean something about religion to people in his field.  I told him in essence I’ll find anything in his office to derail this process.  I sent him the “Eccentric” I wrote and I can only assume he was not thrilled with it, yet he still encourages me to send more of what I write.  Don’t think that will happen.

    He asked me a question towards the end of the session that I could not answer verbally, only in writing, yet he still has not provided me with paper or pencil.  This was the first time that I got a little pissed that he provides the other nuts with stuffed evil animals, yet my request goes on deaf ears.  The only thing that was pleasant was the weather was grey and towards the end it had begun to rain and on the way home it was snowing.

    He wants to work with my left side colors (alters/moods) next week and I really am about to decide not to go any more.  I just want to sleep now.  After the session, that night I dreamt of pages in a book with light purple writing, page after page, it went on for a short period of time.  I couldn’t read the subject matter; just saw the words as if leafing through a John Gresham book.  Light purple is not one of my alters/moods.  I’m tired of all the endless questions week after week.  He asked the same question about the holidays – what are our plans.  I simply want to forget the holidays – period.  I have been getting rid of everything in the house, why would I want to purchase items to go into the house? 

    I’m in a catch 22   – I want to go to sleep right now – the normal way, with just a little extra xanax and forget the rest of the evening, but if I take the phone off of the hook I may cause alarm should someone try to call.  If I don’t go to sleep now, I’m going to go crazy waiting until 8:00.  I just woke up after sleeping two hours.  If I take something to take the edge off of this need to go to sleep, I’ll just endanger myself somewhat and perhaps take more like before.

    I’m not upset or depressed.  I just need to sleep and wake up tomorrow.  I think I’m supposed to call someone when I feel this way, but I’m unsure.  But I’m not at all harmful to myself what so ever.  So the dilemma is, take the phone off the receiver and risk someone calling and getting the answering service and alarmed, or me waking up drugged and them calling my husband, or calling Enemy as two people said they would do next time I am sleeping early.

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About crystallball7

Creative,some say "eccentric", dark sense of humor,sensitive. Never the same for too long. Running from lost time. Longing to be on the beach, at the ocean, New England. Afraid of life, extremely afraid of life.
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