Tuesday was mixed with rain and snow on our drive to Boulder. I realized I am a lot more relaxed when it is darker in chat session, as the afternoon was grey outside. I already draw the drapes and close the blinds at home more often and earlier in the day, with the exception of leaving the drapes open enough for the dogs and cats to look out of the front window, as is their daily routine, to guard the mailbox from that man who repeatedly puts stuff into it every day. It’s an important and exhausting task, but they are faithful and feel they were born to do it. Chat session was unusual in two instances. During chat, three times my lower right side to back I experienced a sharp piercing pain, just for about 2 minutes perhaps. I wish I could remember what it was we were talking about. The second thing was Enemy mentioned my other therapist from the ‘90’s using his name and I couldn’t figure out who he was talking about until I caught up with the question and realized who it was. Big disconnect. In my mind I just saw black and with his name in yellow letters. I have no idea if Enemy noticed. I’m having problems following the questions lately I assume this is part of the course for nutty people. Again, too many distractions, the office next to his building had their light on and two people were moving around a lot, there was a nat in the office I was watching, anything to distract me as if I were a child on Christmas day.
I have found one more item in chat session I can’t stand – lollipops and candy Enemy has on a table next to where I sit. It drives me up a fucking wall – not that I’m not there already! The stuffed animals are bad enough – evil is a good word, but lollipops? Tuesday I positioned the two flat pillows (mental health people never keep up with interior decorating trends like updating colors and couch pillows) to obstruct my view from the dish of the offensive objects and I sat as far away as possible, but this was almost as bad because it put me almost directly in front of the evil stuffed animals. I swear I’m going to have my matches ready to go if Enemy pisses me off, but he won’t, he likes the evil beasts too much. I believe he even got an additional one, Lord give me the patience not to torch them when he is checking his stuffed evil animal web links!!!
He again suggested I bring or email anything I want to share that I have written. I go back and forth on that decision. My vocabulary is that of a twelve-year-old having lost all of my writing abilities years ago when I started taking Topomax. What I write wouldn’t shed light into my mind that I already allow him to explore. Of course there are a few questions I answer vaguely I will always keep to myself and a couple of friends with whom I can talk freely to. Enemy wouldn’t need to hear about those conversations. I keep a closed blog for my extreme moods which would possibly shed some light on how I skip from one mood to another within minutes, but again repercussions could follow if he were to see it and the holidays are upon us. The dilemma is do I trust him and I just don’t know. I really don’t know.
Enemy asked the general questions as chat began Tuesday – how are you doing, how are things between “husband” and you, how are things going at home? Etc. Then he asked what are my plans for the week, or I offered that my friend and I are going out Wednesday (which is big because I usually don’t) and he asked where we were going – something like that. I said “shopping” and he asked “where” and I tried not to blush, and answered “just shopping” and hoped that would end the topic. Actually my friend was going to take me to an adult entertainment store. My first time and I couldn’t answer “I’m going to an adult entertainment store, care to join us???” I wonder what I was thinking when he asked. Gee, can I take evil stuffed animals??
My friend canceled due to illness and the trip was postponed. My daughter has offered to take me also, but I’ll go with my friend first. None of my friends can believe I have never been to one since we talk about sex openly with no restrictions. I honestly don’t know what my problem is about going, but I have been assured it is a wonderful experience. My evil twin who is going to ask the “question” for me sent me a DVD a while back and because I didn’t want to have anything on my credit card, and sure enough she ordered it and now I’m sure everyone at the post office knows! Yeah – I’m paranoid. She loves pirate ships and thought since I loved the ocean, I would love this particular DVD. Apparently the DVD’s have really increased in creativity in more ways then one – talk about agile! I will never look at a pirate ship the same again – I never did like the Johnny Depp pirate movies any way. I couldn’t get through the movie because I became sick half way through it. I may have been sick before we started watching, but after 30 minutes, it became the same thing over and over and over again, not much of a story line and the men have gotten some what gross in my opinion. My husband pointed out that we could order DVD’s out of the AARP periodicals and I laughed thinking it was a joke – but it wasn’t! That is down right sick – old people having sex on camera! There really needs to be a cut off point when nude people are allowed on camera for the public. Maybe it’s just me. The bloopers were funny though.
Another new interest of mine is going to Trapeze school! I thought while I’m going crazy, it would be so much fun to do this activity! I looked it up and there are schools everywhere. So surprising to say the least – who could imagine trapeze schools all over the US? I have emailed my evil twin that we will do this on vacation.