You know it’s not a great morning when you turn on the news and it’s 7A.M. and Al Roker is forecasting the Friday weather when you just laid down for a nap on Thursday early afternoon. Yeah – in my world maybe. Good news – my dog is in my bed.  Hate to wake up and find a different dog. Now the difficult walk down the hall – my husband.  He goes to work after 12:00 P.M.  Yeah – SHIT!  But who knows if indeed I missed Thursday?  Maybe not at all, but you get that odd feeling?  So I act normal and let the dog out, look for the paper, come back in.  He tells me the paper is in, I smell the coffee and think, I may have just forgotten Thursday in my sleep – not in trouble after all!  I played it cool, like this is normal for me – but it is frightening at this point as I am getting more self-destructive.  He asked me if I ate last night.  I said I had – I thought I had, but I remembered Wed. The last thing I recall is watching Survivor, which means I was awake on Wednesday. I apparently plugged in a pine scented deodorizer which he is allergic to – I may have been angry at him .  Fudged over that one by saying I expected him to unplug it when he came home that night.  Honestly, I didn’t have a clue where the hell it was – glad he didn’t ask.  Something was knocked down, a small box that holds his wallet, mail, little stuff – pretty heavy, I blamed it on the cats.  Pets are good for something – I knew I would come up with it some day.  I did write something weird again, but nothing to record. 

This morning I felt sad and could have gone back to sleep, but decided to go shopping instead.  This is the oddest behavior yet!  I am one who has to plan mentally and physically for at least a day or days before I will go shopping just for the hell of it.  I even would have called the Enemy this morning for a chat about this incident, but he is out until late Tuesday.  I did email the Enemy, so we will address this when ever we see each other – or not.  I never know if it will be a subject I will discuss.  Enemy#1 never backed down.  This whole thing is too strange.  My sister apparently talked to me yesterday and is not pleased with me..

I’ll see what she has to say later.  Have to catch up on Dragnet and Adam 12 – apparently slept through my shows Thursday – Apprentice?

Later…….

I talked to my sister who talked to me yesterday.  I think I remember laying down to take a nap after my husband left for work on Thursday. We had a discussion Tuesday late afternoon , after chat session and my husband was not happy about the topic.  Family matter, etc.  We resolved the issue by the evening and by Thursday morning things were back on track.  I guess there are more things on my mind also which resulted in leaving for a while.  The thing is, before I went to lay down, I closed all the curtains, shades , turned off the computer and turned off the phone.  Honestly, I don’t know if my husband knows what happened.  Perhaps I should know by now, when I shut the house down, I am planning on checking out?  I don’t know.  Honestly, that is not something I would ever put into motion.  I am able to hop a plane and leave just to change my environment if the need becomes too great for me to handle. I made that promise to myself years ago.  I don’t know why this continues to happen.  I do know that I am very, very tired right before it does happen.

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About crystallball7

Creative,some say "eccentric", dark sense of humor,sensitive. Never the same for too long. Running from lost time. Longing to be on the beach, at the ocean, New England. Afraid of life, extremely afraid of life.
This entry was posted in bipolar disorder, dissociative identity disorder, menatl health, mental health, Mental Illness, MPD, multiple personality disorder, psychology; M.P.D., D.I.D., psychotherapy, "The Enemy",psychologist and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to

  1. I'm DID & so am I says:

    I hear your. I’ve learned to record what I’m watching. I loose a lot of time and it’s frustrating as hell. My favorite is finding myself 100 miles away and beats the shit out of me how I got there. It is exhausting.

    jo

    • I’m beginning to wonder if checking out is the only way my psy. will ever get information from any part of me. Nothing is happening that I can acknowledge when I am in a session. I wish I knew who writes. I’m so sorry about the driving, it must be extremely scary. Take care of yourself. Duf

      • I'm DID & so am I says:

        I have the exact problem, never knowing who writes or makes collages, pretty much a guessing game. Maybe your psy has more information on you than you think. I know my therapist only tells me what he thinks I can handle at the time.

        jo

        • He certainly gives me no indications ! He wants me to bring in something that speaks for everyone, I am going to bring in this shell I found on the beach that is dark and very rough and old, yet when you turn it over the inside is very soft and lighter orange – I think it represents life. If you were to bury it sanding it straight up right to where it begins to open, it looks like a castle. Who ever lived in the shell… a lot of symbolism you think?

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