Tomorrow is the last chat session – if I can even refer to it as “chat session”. My husband and I are just going to tie things up. I’ve been going through more of my personnel journals of before I was diagnosed D.I.D. and what a treasure trove. I found some of the Alter maps. In chat sessions, Enemy has been trying to figure out “Red”. It says in my summary the Red is on the right side, which I knew, it’s older, more level, aware of present, past – but not involved, functions are for the balance of the right side. Does not carry information back and forth or does not now. Of course Red is at Chat Sessions, but then you have “green” who is watching – green has direct eye contact with Enemy and leaves Red dangling at times, but Green hasn’t said a word, and to my knowledge isn’t threatened, and has won this battle. There is a lot more, but what is the point ? Checking out is something I do frequently apparently my husband told me last night, so this will be my existence.
Here is something I wrote or whom ever wrote in 1993:
The strongest is the one who conquers all
The weakest one will perish first,
leaving the others behind trapped in time
of endless mazes,
Always conscious of the strongest, lurking
Seeking his next victim
The smallest one stays hidden in the dark, so very quiet,
Fearful of the next command, the next encounter
It too will die, but not until every last bit of existence
has been sucked out of its being.
There is no choice – it never had a chance.
The other’s know this, but can only observe at a distance.
They know the strongest will seek revenge.
The peaceful one knows the boundaries the strongest
one has set, and obeys passively – if only to keep the
others existence possible
The peaceful one is the historian, the one who communicates
for the others.
The others will always protect the peaceful one.
Some have much to say.
Some maintain their individuality with ease, while others
struggle under pressure to conform from external forces,
Never knowing when it will be their time to relinquish their role.
The playful one respects the strongest one and remains indifferent to the smallest one.
The playful one seeks out the attention of the others, precariously
testing the boundaries, from both inside and out.
So confident at one moment
So unsure the next
The playful one verbalizes the most.
The playful one sees the clearest and shares with the others all
that has been seen.
The playful one is most closely related to the smallest, yet
will never establish a rapport with it.