chat or no chat

Friday, almost Saturday already.  I should be asleep but sleep finds me whenever it decides to – if that even remotely makes sense.  Chat session went as always this past Tuesday – yet ended differently – Enemy decided we were not making any progress and basically, what was the point any more.  I agree – it’s a long drive and I can only sit and let the minutes tick down until it is time to go and sometimes listen to the little or dark or big voice in my head comment every so often.  I’d rather be home looking for the sleep that eludes me.  I was to come in one more time, yet I have no reason to.  There is a handicap parking sign across the street from his office window I looked at for the first time this past Tuesday and asked if Enemy thought people with mental health issues were handicapped.  He didn’t hear me and I had to repeat it, by then I was bored and could care less what he answered.  Really – who cares?  My friends keep telling me I should apply for disability insurance because I am unable to work.  I am able to work; I’m just unable to trust the human race.

I asked Enemy to call my husband to let him know that I was no longer attending chat sessions, which was fine with me, but then decided to commit to one more chat.  My meds. are taking effect, so I’ll make this short.  Enemy is suspicious of something regarding me.  I am tired of shaking so bad on Tuesdays so much so that my toothbrush shakes when I have to put tooth paste on it and I have to hold it pressed onto my stomach to make it stop shaking. I shake while writing a check and anything else yet on most of the remaining days of the week I’m fine.

I took two 1 milligrams of Xanax Wednesday at 1:00 P.M. and woke up at 7:00 A.M. Thursday without knowing what happened.  My husband and I did wake up in the middle of the night due to my hic-ups and I for some reason had a package of sugar on my night stand.  Sugar always gets rid of hic-ups.  I researched hic-ups a while back and the over use of sedatives is one cause of hic-ups.

I have to finish here.

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About crystallball7

Creative,some say "eccentric", dark sense of humor,sensitive. Never the same for too long. Running from lost time. Longing to be on the beach, at the ocean, New England. Afraid of life, extremely afraid of life.
This entry was posted in bipolar disorder, dissociative identity disorder, Dreams, Mental Illness, psychology; M.P.D., D.I.D., psychotherapy, "The Enemy",psychologist and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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