Communication from the dark side ; Hottie Update

Sunday, September 05, 2010

A few weeks ago I mentioned I checked out for a few days unbeknownst to me.  I also mentioned the index cards I found with writing – hardly legible at best.  I finally deciphered the cards that had writing from top to bottom – starting across three inches down to five inches.  I would think a normal way to write on an index card of course would be to write across the five inches on the lined side; however this was the direct opposite way and side.  The first three cards basically read that I had turned off the computer, put away the Ambien, took out the batteries of the land line phone, therapy was a waste of money, and I mentioned that my I.Q. works fine at times.  Also the card read that I was drinking apricot tequila.

I do remember turning off the computer and taking the batteries out of the phone.  My father kept calling that afternoon and in the mind-set that I was in, I used to find later that “I”  ( I never knew who “I” was ) would use the phone to talk to someone for a while.  Ambien got me into trouble the last time I took it, so I apparently played it safe when I became upset that Sunday afternoon.  Of course a part of me feels therapy is a waste of money, especially when I cannot contribute to the income of our household expenses.  Tequila; I had to look in the refrigerator for that one.  I never knew we had any, sure enough, we have Apricot and I think its Triple Sec.  I don’t drink hard liquor except it seems when I check out.  I do have cosmos when my friends come into town and they always order one for me just to get me into a comedic mood.  But anything but one glass of wine or Bailey’s in coffee in the afternoon is my limit, and even that is no longer an option since I am having problems sleeping.  But I did take a shot of what ever the Apricot alcohol we do have, the day of chat session when my husband brought me in.  I wonder how that session went.

I will now transcribe what I found written on the index cards:


7 is seven

flight green

white silent

red strong (us)

orange runs, runs away

you will never catch orange



you would

only guess.


Black – you

will never

know. Stupid

people guess but

they are only humorous to me

Is admire them

if anything else than

for some relief

least we forget


comfort in the

middle. The

fucking mediator.

No use fix too (?) this (?)

us an finished

Pissed with this

Energy I use don’t

fuck take me

have them idiot

have a ( something)


pills are ass holes

pills are not gone



Pretty disturbing?  It gives me the creeps.  I am aware of the colors and the significance  to the alters.  My biggest question is which alter is communicating?  Someone who is pretty ticked off and older than some of the ones I do know.  And I do not know what a “mediator “is.  I do not use the word “ha”.  I just keep looking at it and think “What the hell???”    I tried to decipher it last Sunday, but it was difficult and a major headache ensued, so I put it away.  Yesterday we were going up to the mountains, so I picked up the cards and started working on them again and my husband looked over at one and pointed at a word I was struggling with and knew the word and told me to look at the cards at a slant.  Sure enough, it became easier and about 2 hours with breaks in between, we got it down.  Of course I’ve had major headaches during and after.  This is so common with D.I.D. work.  Nothing will ease the pain, I just have to wait it out which could take days.  

The alters’ reside on the left or right side of my mind.  If I can remember correctly, red, white, yellow, and blue ( blue which is almost crossing over to the left) are on the right.  Brown, dark green, black are on the left.  Orange I’m not sure and Red is a problem.  There is a relationship between red and black that is extremely lethal – I have no idea how that scenario works.  This is all I am picking up now.  There is so much about white that will never be known, but I can feel if that makes sense.  Yellow is next to white – as crazy as all as this sounds. 

The question I have – is this a mental illness or an ingenious way of protecting my mind? 

Back to Hottie – Cop #1 – August 6th – Passion and The Cop:

I read in the newspaper today that a total of 6 officers have resigned in my city as of Friday.  Four of them resigned in connection with a January incident involving alleged use of excessive force and two recently as a result of separate internal personnel matters.  Could Hottie #1 be one of those 6 officers??  I knew there was something special about him!  Hottie #1 likes it rough??  Oh my!  And he had handcuffs!  Now I’m getting a head of myself.  My heart is pounding a mile a minute!  I don’t want Hottie #1 to be one of the 6 to go.  But the word “rough” sure excited me and with my city mentioned in the same article, I almost spilled my coffee while reading the paper this morning!  How to acquire this information – whether he is one of the 6 or not.  He works nights; there can’t be a lot of cops in my city who work nights.  Maybe I can get Enemy to send one out like the crazed woman did the first time I met Hottie#1.  They do have the “ride along” program and if Hottie #1 is still there I could find him that way.  The article mentioned also that the cars have no dash cameras!  How exciting is that!  Ride along with Hottie#1 with no dash camera, which could be a night to remember!  I already have our song:

Humor – Not enough time for me!!


About crystallball7

Creative,some say "eccentric", dark sense of humor,sensitive. Never the same for too long. Running from lost time. Longing to be on the beach, at the ocean, New England. Afraid of life, extremely afraid of life.
This entry was posted in bipolar disorder, dissociative identity disorder, Mental Illness, psychology; M.P.D., D.I.D., psychotherapy, "The Enemy",psychologist and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Communication from the dark side ; Hottie Update

  1. How the light and dark sides will come into play is unknown other than players will be able to warp between the two. Batteries Wholesale

  2. I'm DID & so am I says:

    First, thanks for checking my blog out. I know what it’s like to find strange writings. I also find collages. Most of the time I don’t have a clue what part did them. Can be a bit scarey, especially when they write I should be dead. Isn’t lost time great?!?!? I wish I had cameras installed throughout my house.


    • Lost time…I would love to know who is behind it. This is the second go around for me and at least this time I am not communicating with my psychiatrist ( the enemy). Last time I would phone the mental health crisis line – my therapists’ would tell me later. I did email “Enemy” once, but never sent it, so now I turn off the computer and disengage the landline, although I don’t keep his number out where I can access it easily. Counter productive, yet I can’t allow him to be apart of this “time” for some odd reason. I had too many therapists tell me I played games and it really hurt. D.I.D. – such a joy! Humor keeps me sane at this point! Keep your humor going!

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