We had to cancel our annual holiday to New England – no Fairy Houses this year. The idea came up once again to drag me into New York City perhaps at a later date. This is something that my daughter and friend have been wanting to do for years. I don’t enjoy shopping, eating, crowds, and smelly people, naked people in an art museum posing for no apparent reason, public restrooms in large cities, people touching me and planes flying into standing objects. I may be a tad bit odd and not the best candidate for the travel industry of NYC , but I do enjoy traveling, but just give me space and my Dunkin Doughnut break at 4:00 P.M. every day and I’ll be just fine. I do not believe this has anything to do with the Bipolar Disorder other than perhaps a slight imposed schedule – that of Dunkin Doughnut stop at 4:00 P.M. Often people with the Bipolar Disorder are obsessive about being on a schedule. My husband and I never knew this until we began talking to other people like me and it was really quite cool indeed. Of course at home I do not have a Dunkin Doughnuts, so I must have something in my day on holiday that gives me a type of coping strategy if that may be close to what this is indicated. I haven’t been into therapy for the Bipolar Disorder in over a decade so I no longer know any of the catch phrases that are used any more. Psych. junkies know all of the words and phrases – it is really sad. Living the disorder instead of living with the disorder – there is a big difference.
Enemy asked Tuesday what it felt like before I was untreated for the Bipolar Disorder. I was suspicious, he is a psychologist who specializes in PTSD, Trauma, Dissociative Identity Disorder, and Obsessive something yet he implies he doesn’t know how the Bipolar Disorder feels like? He doesn’t know what mania and depression in a matter of hours may feel like? I felt like I had to convince him that I had the Bipolar Disorder after years of missed diagnoses by psychotic mental health therapists. I am always trying to figure out his angle, why is he asking the questions he is asking, what is he really asking. I’ve been screwed by these people so many times; I am so tired of questions like these, especially after six months and at least $700.00. I should have answered “what does it feel like to be kicked in the balls?” providing a psychologist has any. Yes, Tuesday went very well, very productive!
New York City. I should just get it over with. They always stay at affordable hotels/hostels, which I refuse to do. I have a fear of all of the strangers we will invariable see in the city. I only stay in the Marriott chain which I know will cost more than our mortgage payment for our house but I have to have some space for my anxiety attacks which I’m sure to have because my Xanax is putting me to sleep for prolonged hours which would delay my torture in the city. I don’t complain when I’m miserable, I just smile and wait for it to be over, like sitting in a chair in a dental office waiting for the Dentist to inject me with the needle, I also want to grab his balls and give him a good, hard twist!! Perhaps I would be a good candidate for “Dateline Tourist – How We Scare the Crap out Of Our Viewers Who Plan Holidays to NYC”.
Humor – It’s how you grab it!