Email To Enemy

A few days ago I looked at the bottom of the monitor and saw that I had a new message that had not been sent yet?  Again, I’m not a computer person, so I clicked onto it and found an email that I had apparently written the night I took all of the Xanax and 5 mgs. of Ambien.  I am so relieved that it was never sent.  I cannot imagine why I would have ever have thought of writing such an email and even worse, to the Enemy!  I am just not at the trust stage with him yet.

So here is what I wrote – no editing – except a couple of sentences and my husband’s name.  Of course spell check was not used :

“The question is inmost to know to knowHow much can someone who weighs 103-102 weigh can take ‘1 mgs,per 1 pe hourr or there abouts?  & mgs,  aseem to ge so-so.  What is  the average amounagte for ananversgte perswon?  you mustknow rhis anaswer.

wu-hat next choice isad Ambiens fi I can’t husjtave my answwer in my the nextfew answers.  I wan to renaim asleep im util until tom,,tomorrow.  7  1 mgz Do look s.   I amply need sleep for good night sleeps/and liquored

Or would be the doss then be Vodic and amend,  The theme is it eraser the conversation wish Dan and his moral com[pass and his “I”AM right: and I am the Fuck up.’

I have  have no funds to stae in a new place and get rhe hell out of Colorado.  I can nolonger compete with his family around his daughter who out Who alwys abridgment and Xmas I the whoring. ( I will interject – this word was supposed to be “wrong”)  km primaries me me to his aubtasan mother who fault al, of the time and I have to pay for the imdecresencies.

It;s always his Said ad take her sude their side, Even their neighbor hood was my fault.  My patience – he’s 100% on their side- he said tonight.

Yeah-xanax cann nlot begin too numb that 0 thet weeks, We reamain friends.  ( I’ll skip another part – something I really don’t remember happening from the past)

Honestly, if it doen’t chame soo Mohegan happen.   I’m oll 1/2 the show.  As I closr, I’m off tro 7x axax 1mgd. and 1/2 aqmbien.  Dobe with tonowwit, 

I really s done witr this wrld.          My good-byu not will penn.  Maybe i momhegan I sland.  ”

Really a bit odd, but if you read between the lines, and know the family history, you can make sense of some of it.  I’m glad I didn’t hit “spell check”  it probably would have smoked the poor computer to an early death!  A lot of marital disagreements I feel have to do with past events from our parents actions.  My husbands mother had problems with her neighbors and he is putting her crap onto me.  The word is transference?  That came up during Xmas as well as every 3 months as well.  I find it interesting the words I did spell correctly. 

So, I am going to bring the email to chat session tomorrow and ask a few questions about it, but will not show it to Enemy.  I just wonder why it was written.  I was so careful to take the phone off of the charger and would never believe what ever I took would cause this communication from me.  Again, why on earth would I ever attempt an email to anyone in the shrink field?  I’m just not into playing games.  I just don’t understand where this comes from.

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About crystallball7

Creative,some say "eccentric", dark sense of humor,sensitive. Never the same for too long. Running from lost time. Longing to be on the beach, at the ocean, New England. Afraid of life, extremely afraid of life.
This entry was posted in bipolar disorder, dissociative identity disorder, Mental Illness, psychology; M.P.D., D.I.D. and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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