The Plant 6/12/2010

It appears I am going no where fast.  I am really trying hard to participate in this process yet there seems to be little to say.  We have discussed the neglected plant in the corner of the Enemy’s office several times.  Tuesday it looked much better.  The potted plant always reminded me of the 2 ½ years when my family lived in Arizona.  I was always so energetic and so happy!  It was amazing after years of wild mood swings and horrible depressions in Texas.  There was a restaurant in Cave Creek, Arizona we used to go to often called “El Encanto “.  The only Mexican food I could eat. I have problems digesting spicy food and they always accommodated my orders. They had a wonderful staff.  We always ate in the court yard next to the planters with the beautifully arranged geraniums.  I must remind you – I was always so very happy and verging on mania.  For some reason I always thought outside of the box and I guess looking back, my family was just relieved I was finally having the time of my life after the previous years of hell. 

  So, back to the salt and pepper shakers.  Did I mention that yet?  I just out of the blue decided to pour out some of the pepper one evening and add just an inch of soil and screwed the lid back on and unscrewed the salt shaker, poured out a bit of salt and added sugar. And it became a tradition every time we frequented this establishment!  No one in our party ever said a word!  My children were delighted of course – 12 and 15 years old.  We also in the 100 + degree heat of the evenings would have the musician play on his guitar “Felize Navidad” (We wish you a merry Christmas).  He was great and in August especially it sounded 110% better than at Christmas.  Looking back I wonder why no one ever stopped me with the guests we would include in our party on those hot evenings.

   So, when I look at the potted plant in the corner of the office, I think of Cave Creek, Arizona.


After my appointment Tuesday I came home so frustrated.  I can’t make this process happen and sometimes I find myself so angry at the Enemy for saying he would be able to fix this.  It is serious. Waking up a day up to 3 days later not knowing why is not fair to me and can be very dangerous.  I am frustrated that I am having increasingly more physical stress.  I just wish he would ask questions or provoke me.  Driving home I’m thinking to myself “boorish…what a boorish man” GAME OVER!!! “.  Really?  At $135.00 an hour we are just going to look out the window and look at the potted plant in the corner?  I can’t seem to say anything of substantial value for 45 minutes? 

He mentioned art therapy a while back.  I said “No” right away.  I asked about it Tuesday.  I’ll do anything to help the process.  He gave me the name of the lady he works with.  Remind you – Boulder – does Hippie coincide with “Boulder”???  Good Lord!  I became so defensive when I pulled up her website.  I tried my hardest to be open, but it was a no go.  If my previous Enemy said I would have to go, I would if he paid and I would draw horrible things – which is so very odd.  Unfortunately I could not do this with this Enemy.   I just can’t do anything to help this therapy along.

I wish my previous Enemy would call and say something ….. Anything.


About crystallball7

Creative,some say "eccentric", dark sense of humor,sensitive. Never the same for too long. Running from lost time. Longing to be on the beach, at the ocean, New England. Afraid of life, extremely afraid of life.
This entry was posted in bipolar disorder, dissociative identity disorder, Mental Illness, psychology; M.P.D., D.I.D. and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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