Burnng the past 6/02/10

I’m trying to find myself around this site.  You would never know that my husband is a computer engineer and has pleaded with me to learn all sorts of things.  I believe Windows 7 just came out recently. Great is all I can say as I keep a careful eye on my screen to make sure nothing has been installed over night.  This has happened!  I am a creative sole and some how I missed the boat when the computer age came out. 

Progress with Enemy has stalled.  With two weeks off prior to last week, all has been mostly quiet.  With this sort of therapy there is often a lot of mood swings.  It started out that way, but that has all but gone away.  He keeps repeating that it is “safe”, etc. which is I guess is a big deal with clients like me and did tick me of at one time, but now I just nod.  I just feel like I’m visiting an acquaintance for $135.00 for 45 minutes one day a week.  I even looked at the check laying on the suspicious table and thought about a lovely pair of jeans I could be trying on! Heck – I would even take Enemy if he wanted to go!  Boulder is a pretty place if you take the smelly people who don’t use soap out of the picture.

Did I mention that I burned 5 journals a while back?  Perhaps that is why things in my mind are all increasingly quiet.  A lot of people burn their High School year books.  I am just as normal.  I used to burn paper in the toilets in high school – I don’t know why.  Totally safe.  I’d leave before anyone would know who did it.  Shortly there after I landed in the hospital.  I’m sure that wasn’t the reason.  I had a private room while in the hospital, so I didn’t burn anything – I’m sure they would have caught on.  We had house cleaning service who made the beds, cleaned the rooms, etc.  every day.  I think they would have noticed the lack of towels in my bathroom come to think of it. 

So two weeks of no progress.  Physical problems perhaps which is part of the communication.  I don’t know.  The Enemy will not ask the right questions and I will not offer the information.  It’s taboo.  I am working really hard to get this work done, but there is only so much someone like me can do.  I have even thought to offer to get some what inebriated.  I say a lot of things that I normally would not say out loud that may grant Enemy a better understanding of who I am less constrained.  Of course he doesn’t know who “I” am who writes either.  I don’t know if he knows about how I view my wacky life with the only way I can – with a sense of humor.  But if you read between the lines…

The physical problem was unique this time.  I woke up in severe pain early in the morning.  My little breasts were in extreme pain.  It has never happened before.  I couldn’t even touch them.  I can’t even explain it.  Perhaps if you have stubbed your toe?  It was enough to wake me up from my drugged sleep.  Stuff like that happens 2 days before therapy sometimes.  I never keep track.  Head aches are not uncommon.  But most of that stopped a few weeks ago.  I’ve been busy with my extended family and health issues.

So, life is going well.  BBQ season – yeah, fires can be relaxing in so many ways!


About crystallball7

Creative,some say "eccentric", dark sense of humor,sensitive. Never the same for too long. Running from lost time. Longing to be on the beach, at the ocean, New England. Afraid of life, extremely afraid of life.
This entry was posted in psychology; M.P.D., D.I.D. and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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